Surprise! Meet your new Korean family, or Ack! What did she get herself into?

Okay, if you’re not reading the book you don’t know there was a proposal between the last post and this one. Kerri Ann has followed Lee to California and see’s the house he’s chosen for them, he gives her a list of repairs and renovations needed on the bungalow, hands her a household budget to follow, and ignores her questions about the closest college. He’s got a plan for life, and at the moment that doesn’t include her doing anything except taking care of the home front so he can concentrate on building his real estate business, nor does it include introducing her to his parents before the wedding.

“Would you like a job?” he asked.

“You bet, when do I start?” I replied excited.

“Right now. Your job is the house. We need everything: living room furniture, table, pots, pans, dishes, linens, maybe new drapes.”

I glanced at the sun-blotched cloth hanging to the sides of the den window, approached them and tried to hide my disappointment, I thought he had a place for me in his business. I gazed out the window at the sliver of backyard and fingered the frayed cloth. I heard Chloe’s mom whisper, ‘Do a good job where you are, and good things will happen.’ “Okay, you got it. What’s the parameters?”

“What are the parameters,” he corrected softly.

I heard and understood. The man who spoke English as a second language had better grammar than the English major. (A Single Pearl, Chapter 6).

Here's your chance to be part of the book. I need a color for the drapes. Any suggestions?

Lisa: +stifling house; -concise, clear handwriting (don’t need next reference); +leases (what do you like to read?); +Chloe’s mom whispered; Yikes, Lee seems controlling. Chap 7 I think Chloe would have a different response to marriage; +Lee’s mother’s response; What was finger gesture?; +soap opera and the whole family in Korean; +volunteer at elementary school; +it wouldn’t be cooking (for fun) + can’t wait…

Melanie: +Good tension—parents not coming to wedding; +Like to read leases (character development); +Tension—he wouldn’t tell her where college—not good. +Love the mother’s wailing. +Gifts a payoff. +Embarrass about no ring for Lee. It wouldn’t be cooking. Call between Chloe and Kerri Ann.

Pam: What sports car—make? Ah!! Corvette-nice. Within budget? What is the budget? ! I’m beginning to have second thoughts about Lee—. +”Eyes disappeared into a grin.” Ch 7 +Pretty dress!! (In my mind). +Kind of like the dad, +interesting mom, +great visual of parents’ house. +And I like the cleaning of their own house for the new beginning. Why would tuition be out-of-state?

Peggy: +Staring at her shoes…has reader wondering and then realize it’s the song :-), The whole shoe thing’s cute. +He quirked an eyebrow…”No.” Sorry I missed so much :-( Send it to me, please!

EDITS: Sometimes you know what happens, but you don’t always have the right characters handling the action or spelling out the dialogue. In one instance, I changed the speaker to make better sense within the lines of characters already drawn. Melanie also steered me over the bump of the entire reveal of meeting the parents happening during a phone conversation between Kerri Ann and her friend Chloe. Mel wanted to see the drive over to Lee’s parents house and the scene blossomed.

The feedback makes mention of a song Kerri Ann listens to. In real life I was cleaning the kitchen and listening to 89.10 FM and heard this clever tune by Fats Waller. It wrote itself naturally into the manuscript, outlining the tight financial situation KA had at college, and brought in an exchange between Lee and KA that answers the question: why he is so driven to make money? You won’t get any answers from the YouTube tune, but it's still fun.

Since beginning Pam has been questioning if Lee was too good to be true, this chapter was her first cloud of doubt. The teeter-tooter continues through chapter after chapter. She likes him, she hates him. If I’ve done my job right she’ll feel about him the same way I do at the end. Looking forward to finding out that outcome!

Okay, now help me -- what color are those drapes?

"I love you," so where do we go from here?

Scene: Despite their geographical distances, Chapter 6 escalates the relationship between Lee and Kerri Ann. It's obvious he hasn't stopped thinking about her, and they stay in contact daily.

I tried not to live in my imagination too much, but Lee was the last thing I thought of when I placed my head on the pillow, and my first thought when I woke, mostly because that’s when he called. He even paid my phone bill once, but I sent back the check and told him it would really cost him if he stopped calling, I simply watched the clock aware of what I could afford.

We chatted, regular routine, then something changed in his voice, he started asking about numbers, odd things, wanted to confirm my building number, my dorm room number.

“What are you doing?” he chuckled.

“Sitting here talking to you.” I flipped a blue pen through my fingers. “What’s funny?”

“Walk outside,” he said. (A Single Pearl, Chapter 6).

Lisa: +like him in the outside scene; inched forward?; +I like how.. <--can’t remember what damn! +He loved being bossy; +never tell me about that girl again; +I want you so I can work, live…

Melanie: +You’re for real (suggest she say it into the phone?). What was his reaction when she said, “I miss you.” Why was she furious he said I love you? +Chloe’s question: did he ask about you? Ring – suggest just a smidgen of thought about gift, +never tell me about that girl again.

Pam: Love the image of the geek’s limbs (Lurker). Name of the restaurant? I don’t think, “I miss you,” sounds needy? She couldn’t have said it first—she doesn’t have Lee’s confidence. +Like your details about and on the Space Needle. ++Organic, evolving Seattle. Why doesn’t she tell Chloe she loved him? +”Trout out of a Montana stream.” He doesn’t seem…(Pam crossed something out here) to me.

Peggy: +Great details, felt there; ++Imagery. +Like how Lee came to visit her at college. –Lost me a little in the business details, how much is necessary? +Like the descriptions of Seattle. +Fish “not Lee’s style.” +Conversation with Chloe, Oh, but would Chloe really move in with someone with whom she truly didn’t know his name? Other than “Lurker?”

EDITS:
This was the first time Lee tells Kerri Ann he loves her, it takes place in the Emerald City (Seattle) and happens in a surprising way. She is taken off guard and has to decide fast how to accept his declaration. Some quick fixes to the chapter, nothing major, but the most minor ones add finesse and ideas came from Mel to plump the scene. Peggy got bored with Lee talking about his business; it may be interesting to note the next time he gives a big talk about his business Peggy got bored with that, too! My response? How interesting can guys be when they talk about their careers? (or sports). And to answer the question: would Chloe really move in with someone who’s first name she doesn’t know, only his nickname? Yes, she acts first, thinks later. Listen to how she talks! Well, I guess you'll have to get the book to really 'hear' how she talks.

Yeah, um, that’s not how a guy talks

Scene: The pearl is introduced, it appears as a gift from Lee to Kerri Ann,a little first aid for the soul. She is surprised by her reaction to it, she accepts it, and also accepts the budding relationship with Lee.

He looked over and stared at me thoughtfully. He set the paper flat, flicked his thumb through the pages and smiled. “I was coming for a swim, looking for an open chair to throw my towel, first one I noticed was next to you...
(A Single Pearl, Chapter 5).

Lisa: +Sweet gift reason; +like the necklace application and the goodnight at the door; +Sandy was used to cleaning up after us; -Phrase: what does that matter - doesn’t work; + I like what is being revealed in Lee; +like the food, rice papaya. -Lee’s language a little too flowery when he describes first encounter with Kerrie Ann.

Melanie: +runs finger under silver necklace; +gift feels bad after Chloe; +enunciated each word; Buddha, Mary etc. ? +Ask for what you want; -just a little too flowery for Lee’s description

Pam: Very good/telling scene with Chloe, et al. How could she pack that fast? I want to see why Lee likes Kerri Ann. Oh, good! Now I know why Lee is attracted to her!

Peggy: +Wonderful end to Chapter 5. Would like to hear/see more with the kiss (just after he gave her the pearl necklace). +Like the connection with the necklace! The Single Pearl J Wonderful! +Great that Lee defends her with Chloe. +Wonderful dialogue with Chloe and their friends. +Good details with Lee, “hands entwined,” etc. Would a guy be that thorough with the details? Or is that his personality? Chloe called it quits”?

EDITS: Okay, every one was of the same mind, Lee was just a little too girly when he described the first time he encountered Kerri Ann. Edit, edit, edit. Here’s what I was trying to accomplish: when writing in first person it’s hard to develop a concept of what the character looks like, someone has to describe them, best person on this list had to be Lee, and I wrote Kerri Ann they way I saw her, BUT NOT HOW A GUY WOULD. Erase, fix. I also took out a reference to Budha. Erase.

Really, my kid's fine. Me? Well, I'm a mom.

My daughter came into the bathroom this morning to chat with me as I was getting ready for work. She looked at me oddly and said, "There's two of you." I looked at her oddly and said, "You're seeing double."

"There's a black hole right here," and she held up her hands in front of her face in the shape of a globe.

I looked at her closer, drilled down into her eyes which were black, bottomless pits. "You're not going to school, today," I assessed, with the astuteness of a cum laude college graduate.

"Mommy, I can't see you."

That's when I lost it. Lost control of everything. There was nothing in the eyes, they were open, but nothing there, the blank vacant stare of a blind person. She started to slump down the wall, I grabbed her and she fainted into my shoulder. I'm talking to her the whole time and she is not responding, when she does it's a whimper. I pulled-carried her determined to get her to the car where I could acquire medical attention. I'm strong when adrenalin-rushed and never short of determination. I can do this I thought. We can do this. Her whimpers to get me to stop slowed me down and I managed to plop her in a chair in the kitchen. She was pale as an ivory bone and I could tell from her eyes she was not full functioning.

I'm chattering the whole time, nervous rush, 'drive you to hospital, emergency room, can you get to the car, I'll carry you, you don't want me to carry you, calling an ambulance, 911, dialing.' Someone without any sense of the pressure-panic I'm under answers the phone and asks thoughtful questions, what is your emergency, what is your location, what is your name, is she responding, can she see you now. I answer each question in airless whispers, realize I'm not breathing, sweat is trickling down my back, later it will pour. I'm getting hot, any minute I'll be the patient.

The 911 operator keeps me talking, assures me help is on the way, reminds me to assure her help is on the way, instructs me to unlock the front door, turn on a light, make sure any household pets are put away. Dogs in kennels. They're on their way, they're on their way. 911 tells me they're hanging up now, if anything changes in her condition, call right back. They're on the way. Next call to my sister, not because she can help, but because, because, just because. No, don't come, I'll call you and let you know what's happening. Noise outside, I'm thinking I need my insurance card it's in the car, I fly out grab it from the car, rush back to my drifting daughter, and leave the door open behind me, guy walks in with a big bag and kenneled dogs burst into bellows. No one can hear themselves think let alone talk. I carry three kennels down to the basement one-by-one three trips that leave my frightened child alone with strangers with big bags, lots of equipment. It's the equipment that scares her.

When I re-appear and settle back into her emergency, three big, brawny guys in blue are hovering and a very nice lady is asking her question after question, out comes the medical equipment, taking her blood pressure, more questions, she is propped in the chair, pale-pale, blank face, big eyes watching, no 'yes' answers, takes too much effort, only uh-uh and a shrug of the shoulders. Phone rings, phone rings, phone rings. Probably sister, probably mom. More questions for me, more questions, questions. I ignore the phone. Tension slackens, they don't think they need to take her by ambulance, she doesn't want to go with them anyway. I ask her if she'll go with me, uh-huh. I sign their form and wonder why no one asked me for my insurance card. Don't you have to pay...

Emergency room, not busy, lessens my guilt that I'm bringing my child in for a fainting spell. It's not for me, it's not for her, it's for my father. Only a doctor with a degree will determine if his granddaughter is okay. I KNOW he won't take my word for it. Insurance card, four pages of information I could care less about, nurse, room, pee in the cup. She can't. Nurse will take sample later. Nurse Byrnne, twenty-seven-year -old Asian from Orange County who became a nurse in two years, I want to ask what nationality she is but I already asked her how old she is and she patiently answers my rude, nervous mom questions with the fortitude of a pretty saint, really pretty. Nurse Tammy is my age, don't ask her anything, I KNOW that age (old) except can my kid leave her bra and panties on, doesn't want to take them off. Nurse asks her more questions and ends with, "Do you feel like you are in a safe environment." "Yes." Am I glad someone asks those questions to give other kids, who are not safe, a chance at life.

Later, thirty-two-year-old physician's assistant Andrew asks, "You're not pregnant right?" Answer, no. Then a laugh like 'duh.'

Blood pressure laying down, standing up, drops. Slight fever. But she can stand, raise her hands above her head, answer questions. But she can't pee in the cup. Andrew gives us the scoop. Vassal vagel, which he must explain again to me before checking us out. Not unusual to faint given these circumstances: sick for four days (fever, coughing, sneezing, ear pain), loss of appetite (applesauce for breakfast-lunch-dinner), dehydrated. Gave me the wicked symptoms to watch out for and if any change bring her back. Now we'll hydrate, they bring in pop, my kid doesn't drink pop, they came up with orange juice and Gatorade, which she hates. Okay, I'm thinking how much is this orange-juice-gatorade adventure costing me? Unbelievably, I don't care. Next, I'm wondering how much I'm going to SLEEP when the adrenalin flood drains out of my body (about three hours).

We got home and she slipped off, as in SLIPPED off the hospital band, and tells me the blood pressure glove they put on her finger tip wouldn't stay on either, fingers to slender. I'm looking at her like I should fatten her up.

Okay, that brings us up to the moment. Now, I'm thinking...we're those paramedics CUTE? I can't remember! Neither can she. Man, we were out of it!

“If I said it once, I said it 16 times!”

I carry around a mini-notebook where I capture class feedback and include advice from published authors. On one page is an Arizona newspaper clipping. Diana Gabaldon is quoted sharing her three rules: read everything, write, don’t stop. At the moment, I’m reading a New York Times Bestselling Author (not Gabaldon) with 16 published works and wondering if Gabaldon needs to add a fourth point, repeat yourself, a lot. In my author-of-the-moment focus I’ve identified this collection of similarities in the first two books I've read:

• Female protagonist pep-talks self out loud, saying things like ‘get yourself together


• Female characters have sickly stomachs and tend to throw up a lot


• Comes from a wealthy, influential family, with a domineering father


• Lives in a small town near a large city, and drives a jeep


• Siblings are more attractive


• One sibling is developmentally delayed, or socially-underdeveloped


• A character works for a newspaper


• A man sires a child with someone other than his wife, child is hidden


• Female characters ride horses bareback -- ever tried it? Give me a saddle, geez


• Characters hook their thumbs at their chests and hitch their chins


• Young male characters talk basely about women, driven by baser instincts, i.e., they think about sex a lot and its not pretty, nor is it love


• Female protagonist makes bad choices in men, then suddenly makes a good one?! [Has anyone connected with something has to happen to change her/him, maybe soul searching with a friend, counseling?]


• And those good men they finally pick were: social outcast, pined over girl for years, and as youths had a trouble with the law


• Someone has a girl who is their sex slave, willing to do anything to keep her man, which doesn’t seem to work out so well for her, and ultimately is not appreciated by him


• Someone practices a sexual deviancy: brother to sister, husband caught with 15-yr-old…


• Someone has gold eyes (I guess that’s better than the oft repeated green-eyed, red-haired girl), but gold eyes? While extremely intriguing in the first book, feels like cheating in the second


• Both books take place in Oregon -- okay, that’s not fair, I just threw it in to make my list longer. Writers write about the area they know, or like me, they add one they don’t know and say, “This will give me an excuse to travel to…”


• Someone dies -- okay, now I’m just completely off the deep end, they’re romance mysteries, for heavens sake


• Alright already, the author has given the female protagonists different personalities, but still…

In the first book I read, I wanted to do the class thing on the author, mail her a minus sign, draw her attention to a particular portion of the book and explain she had not properly laid the groundwork for a twist one of her characters seized. Then I realized, I could only comprehend that misstep because I’d made the same mistake myself, and our class had caught me and hauled me up on ‘reader abuse charges.’ I’d felt the stab of their feedback, but in order to obtained desired future readers more than preserving a fragile self-image, I did a revision, found very, very simple ways to interweave missing links, and lay hints. Occasionally, I’ll remark to the group, oh that’s something you’ll catch when you read it a second time. How arrogant am I? Well, egotistical enough to keep writing.

And if it’s as easy as repetition, then my books will always have these five key points:

• A woman who hates cooking


• A man who doesn’t understand she hates cooking


• A struggle as she competes in his world


• His surprise at how successful , (smart, talented, creative--fill in the blank) she is


• His discovery: only by giving her what she wants will he obtain the life he wants

I am beginning to conceive that getting published is because you’re really, really good, (and how many of us attain that category first book out), or you’re really, really lucky, and how many…well, to sum it up, luck or talent wins. I’d like to find a third item to round out my list, maybe persistence. Would make me feel more professional with a minimum three bullet point list, and slightly closer to Galbaldon.

Visit by the teacher, no holds barred critique, crawling off to lick wounds

We met at Lisa’s house this week, Pam’s off on a trip, Alaskan Cruise. Lisa extended an invitation to Carolyn Rose, our professor from Novel Writing Boot Camp. Carolyn made us shake in our boots as she showed us all up, deftly handling gut wrenching critiques of our work, far deeper than we’d been venturing, and made us wonder if we’d been too easy on each other.

White wave ruffles floated on top of spinning water, came in close, collapsed, receded, repeated. We trudged through the dry sand, and as we got close to the waves I slipped off my sandals. “Please don’t buy me gifts,” I started, sentences coming out ruptured, held together with sighs. “I don’t like them. I know that sounds dumb, but they have never meant good things to me.” I realized that explanation would not be enough, and I didn’t want to be badgered. “Give me a minute,” I whispered, and shivered even though the sun was hot. I gathered my thoughts as waves tumbled.
(A Single Pearl, Chapter Four).

Scene: Lee’s first attempt to buy Kerri Ann a gift, her violent reaction, introduces their polar experiences: family life, finances. His persistence to know about her prior relationship, and the reveal of how things ended with Gary.

Lisa: I feel she should suggest going to the beach. I like the gift explanation. I like that she was industrious/independent when young. I like the sunglasses (protection). The intro of the Gary story was awkward. I’m not sure ‘sounds like you’re falling in love’ fits. I like gift to herself.

Melanie: + She didn’t let him buy gift, but I wanted to know why earlier. ++Back story of work she did. I’m confused as to when she found out about Gary. + ‘Accept a gift to me from me.’

Sallee: + ‘artificial apologies’ good sentence; + ‘no gifts…friends are important to me;’ interesting story about Gary, ‘filter from the scrutiny’ (good),. -Need more sexual tension description, -more emotion, feelings, reaction, -need deeper descriptions.

Carolyn: What are Kerri Ann’s thoughts and visceral reaction about the pearl? - 'water cylinders,' sounds like tanks of water. +Great backstory about father’s drinking. More reaction, given what he asks about gifts (he’s so weird), does she think he can understand? What’s her reaction when he says, ‘you need to accept a gift’? Reaction to his talk of finance. What are his inane questions, give us some conflict. Do the girls know the truth about Gary? Give us more of the basis of Lee’s and Kerri Ann’s attraction beyond the physical, make us see and feel the chemistry. Why is Chloe adamant Kerri Ann not be with Lee, what’s Kerri’s reaction, what’s Chloe’s objection, dialogue? Explore giving herself a gift, what about this trip! Other gifts. Are you spending too much time in Hawaii? Can you shorten it, it could outweigh the rest of the book.

EDITS: Almost too many to mention after Carolyn’s dogged pursuit of perfecting writing among her students. Oh, and it stings she thought Lee was weird, but of course she’s coming in mid-stream, we’re already on chapter five for heaven’s sake, and she’s missed the best, near perfect portion of my writing, this was just a minor hiccup. And not to add insult to injury, but Carolyn organized a seminar with Elizabeth Lyon immediately following our meeting. Okay, enough of that rant, at least she doesn’t think we’re hopeless, obviously believes were trainable, and yes, I’ll admit it, I reaped the benefit of her advice, Lee actually asks his questions that had earlier only been dimly referenced:

“Were you very close?” Lee asked.
“We knew each other about a year, we were good friends.”
“You were more than acquaintances, then.”
“I just said we were friends.”
“Close enough to be…at risk?”
“What do you mean?”
He stared at me.
“Do you mean intimate?” I asked.

The thought process Carolyn started sent me back to Kerri Ann, and got me in her head. She now reflects why she finds Lee attractive, dependable-reliable, which gave me references to draw on for other head-discussions she has further on in the book, and of course his reliable-routine will unsettle her in the future, nothing unexpected, then naturally he’ll do things very unexpected.

REFLECTION: At each turn, the writer decides what they will alter to please others weighed against what they believe, know and what no one else sees coming--dang it all, sometimes you just have to let go of some of the feedback. The reviewer comes with their prejudices and shouldn’t sway the author when their course encourages a slide down a muddy hill. I slipped a bit. You’ll just have to crawl back up, put on clean clothes and a clean tableau on the laptop. Doesn’t this picture look like a water cylinder? “White wave ruffles floated on top of cylinders of water….” Tanks of water?' I mean really, grumble, grumble. How would you explain it? No really, I'm asking, describe it.

National Buy a Newspaper Day

Monday is National Buy a Newspaper Day. Supporting a news source in your own local community can ONLY be a good thing. We spend far too much time poking our noses around the globe, finding fault with everyone else's 'neighborhood,' or even our own national government without ever taking part in the very community where we live.

Buy a newspaper, read it, support writers who make a living writing, then recycle it and get out and change the world--the world you actually live in, which is a lot closer than the world we all comment on, and it costs less than a dollar.