Luck is finding at least one friend who can cook

Good luck is getting to eat what they cook.

Our critique group hostess, Pam, tasked our members to dig deep into our artistic talent and create a food that represented our novels for an end of the year potluck. I knew it would be a good event, tasty even. I also knew I'd bring something that wouldn't be tasty, whether I baked it or not.

The night of the event, Ginger flounced a plate of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches—the lunch served at summer camp—on the buffet table and launched into a story of how she had to convince her two-year old they were not meant for her. Two-year olds are not easy to dissuade when they are intent on a goal. I can say in complete admiration, Ginger succeeded in keeping teeth marks out of most of the sandwich squares.

Peggy entered with a shy giggle and waited for us to notice her blond locks had been sheared into a cute bob. Peggy's holiday dishes magically appeared out of her Nordic themed, fantasy YA novel. I checked carefully to see what delicious magic might be lurking inside her serving dish and was not disappointed—Swedish meatballs with a jar of pickled herring thrown in on the side.

Melanie proclaimed she'd brought the essence of good taste: rat turds (formally known as rum balls that require a breathalyzer before carting yourself home). She'd shipped them directly from the brigantine that sails the Atlantic Ocean in her adventure novel. I will include a picture, but you must sign an affidavit that any damage this does to your chocolate-loving-psyche will not be blamed on Pearl of Carol.

3..2..1.. Quick peek. You okay?

Sharon, our newest member, was a bit overwhelmed, she had not met a couple of our members who have been on hiatus due to family responsibilities. She nobly placed her black-eyed pea corn bread at the end of the table with a large serving spoon, which was an excellent idea (the big spoon), because the dish was GOOD. Her cornbread was a staple during the Civil War which her female protagonist is currently fighting.

Of course, I went back for seconds of everything, and if I'd thought ahead I would have brought take-out containers, especially for Pam's stew. Pam delved into Lillian Parsley's cookbooks, one of her characters who operates a restaurant in a fictional town along the Columbia River.

Pam is an unbelievably generous friend who actually hosts our group in her home every week. Anyone who has tried to organize a diverse group of women will know that consistency is the key to success, i.e., meet consistently at the same time and the same place. If we have to stop and think, where are we this week, the plan will fail.

Pam is the only member able to keep her house clean each week. We like to think that is because she is RETIRED, but she may possess other organizational skills that I don't. (I swear, as soon as I finish writing this manuscript I'll clean again. Really. Well, I want to believe that will be occur, so let's pretend).

Pam's generosity knows no bounds. She has offered to leave her door unlocked for us when she goes out of town, which we appropriately decline. Her neighbors keep a close eye on the condo grounds (which means they report on me if I drive through too fast), and they would surely chase us all us out should we appear while Pam is away. In fact, one would delight in calling the police in revenge for a broken Japanese maple branch that we were blamed for, but honestly, heavy rain, wind, snow are way more powerful than women who write. Okay, that's debatable, but we didn't do it.

At the party, while everyone was busy chatting, I slunk over to the stove and peeked in Pam's pot. I was comforted by fragrant aroma of Stred Soup, a stew of beets and sausage.

Precisely because I don't cook I was required to purchase my dish. I wasn't sure if one offering would be enough for the potluck so I did bring something completely edible, cheese and crackers arranged just the way my character does in The Inbetween Pearl, "triangle ends pointed to the edge of the plate."

The other dish I brought was the event of the evening. You don't find this food everywhere, or anywhere for that matter. You have to know someone Korean to procure it (both of my novels follow a University of Washington sophomore who marries a Korean-born California real estate developer). Second, you have to insure the product will be available. I visited Oriental Fast Bowl on Monday to confirm my order for the Thursday event.

The nice Korean proprietor smiled and nodded her head when I posed the question, "Will it be available?" Someday, when I am brave, I will tell her she is the person I describe when I created my protaganist's mother-in-law, but it will have to be when her English speaking son is helping in the restaurant so he can translate, and it will have to sound like a compliment, because in A Single Pearl, it is not a compliment.

The proprietor and I agreed on a pick-up time, and I didn't worry the rest of the week about the dish...just the reaction to the dish.

Although it was in protective plastic container I smelled it during the entire drive to Pam's house. Garlic. Fire Colored. Pickled Vegetables. I wanted to have enough for everyone, and although I'd asked for a large portion, Mrs. Korean-Restaurant-Owner shook her head no and refused to sell me anything except the smallest portion, asking, "You like?"

I assured her that I did, "Every once in awhile." She raised an eyebrow in disbelief but took my money.

Kimchi. It's not bad. It's different.

Leave a comment if you would like me to post recipes!

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Shiraz. Hurrah. Critique group celebration

Pictured left to right: the group. Photographer: The First Carol

Congratulations to critique group member, Melanie, 2009 finalist in the mainstream category, Pacific Northwest Writers Association Literary Contest. While the group would like to take credit for dragging her into a clever literary style and offering all that great developmental editing—that she would otherwise had to have paid thousands for—we must concede, “You are the master and have added greatly to our growth. Thank you and congratulations!”

The survivors of Carolyn Rose's Novel Writing Boot Camp I & II, pictured above, enjoyed ice cream bon-bon’s provided by Lisa and sipped Shiraz provided by The First Carol. Not heavy drinkers, The First Carol brought the bottle home. She’s still sipping the ruby-colored liquid all in a vain attempt to avoid re-writes of part one of her manuscript.

Put the bottle down and get to work, girl!

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How an Asian runs his business: focused

Reading a book out loud twelve minutes at a time equals a year in the life of an editing author. We're at Chapter 10 (out of thirty, give or take a prologue, an epilogue). Lee fires one of his young brokers, it’s as bad as any expected. He has high standards and he’s not nice when an employee doesn’t measure up. Kerri Ann, of course, believes it has something to do a brief exchange she had with the young man at the office during Lee's Saturday training.

There’s some mayhem at the house when she wakes in the middle of the night and doesn’t realize a couple of cousins are still hanging out, and she wanders into his dark den with a t-shirt that doesn’t quite cover, well, her behind. It all leads to argument and a slight to Lee’s Korean culture, not nice, but embarrassment sends down strange roads. And that’s not the end of the arguments.

“He didn’t hear me come in. The overhead was off, but the den's desk lamp illuminated the white paper he held. I positioned my thumb and forefinger in an ‘O’ and snapped the paper to break his concentration. He startled, looked over at the hemline of my tee not even hitting the tops of my legs. His mouth opened, but no sound came out. I’d never had that reaction before and thought this might be interesting. I decided to give him the rest of the view. I slithered my bare butt up on his desk, started to cozy my feet over his thighs, rolled my arms in the bottom of the tee and began to pull it off.” (A Single Pearl, Chapter 10).

I had little straggly things to fix in this chapter, bit of massaging to get it ‘right,’ keep the characters true. All better now. Here’s how my writing partners logged in…

Lisa: +good description of firing day with Lee; +great office scene with Lee and Kerri Ann; -she is very forgiving if she’s has a big blowout and then goes to the office scene; -‘you’re not coming out here like that, he asked’ seemed more like a statement. Why does she have to wear hanbok? Chap 11: ‘chains of rules with no jewels, don’t understand what that means (?).

Melanie: +your job is to hostess; ++love this scene; -lips practically petrified doesn’t fit; + of course they had to honk; + trembling into nervous apologies; + name tag announcing secretary; + description of office; + ‘who sold house?’like her reaction; + hate JOHN, what a rat.

Pam: +‘death march to the door,’ + I like this part - again! + My, KA is getting spunky! ‘Freckles…followed.’ I’m getting a kick out of the way John belittles KA. +My, KA is getting spunky! +“Freckles…followed.” I’m getting a kick out of the way John belittles KA.

Peggy: +Love Kerri Ann’s defiance and that she stood firm in how she felt; + the receipt J; + the scene with uncle and cousin wonderful details with the t-shirt; + ‘freedom from the hanbok;’ Lee’s response to her the next AM (exhibitionist comment) Does she need to use John’s name so much? Can you replace his name with him/his/he? +‘like acid over his big desk,’ ‘placid lake,’ nice similes.

Edits: I hate re-reading the scenes with John, he can be almost evil. That said, I overwrite him and have to edit half the scene whenever he and KA tussle. He has a side, we just don’t know it…YET!

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Hurt follows her home

Editing on the book continues. The funeral finalizes Kerri Ann's old life but sadness seeps into her new. Feedback from the critique group helped crystallize fine points of the manuscript.

The hurt dredged up in Montana followed me home. I tumbled through emotions I didn’t want to touch, my dad had had my phone number, must have known I was married and never called.

Un-congratulations.

In California Lee’s family didn’t call, not a word—not that they would, I didn’t speak Korean—but not even a card rattled through my hollow heart. I drifted in depression, slept a lot. Lee tried to coax me out, find the old Kerri Ann. “When you’re ready to talk, I want to listen,” he sprinkled through his conversations, but I didn’t want to talk. I wanted to sleep. (A Single Pearl, Chapter 9).

Icons: plus sign ‘+’ to denote good, minus ‘-’ not, and a ‘?’ for obvious.

Lisa: +hurt dredged up followed me home; +seaweed soup every b-day! -‘nice’ shirt, how did he smell? What music did they dance to? +Pride lake; why is she doing these building maps, why interest to her?

Melanie: why was she so depressed? +box with mom in it; ++ gag-ables; +good picture of two women fighting over picture; ‘Guess who’s pregnant?’ I want to see his response; +interesting about the map; +real estate license.

Pam: +all things mom had touched; -confused about ‘things from my childhood,’ expected it to be a doll, maybe things I remember from my childhood? +Love your ‘gag-ables,’ +Lee is getting better! I’m glad he is ‘struggling to say something, a new side to him. Okay, now I don’t like him again, you’re keeping us on a roller coaster. I really like that she is being pro-active about her education.

Edits: KA makes a map, I re-organized it so she maps the buildings Lee owns first; the mapping thing will pop up again in Part 2 so it needs to flow with character development. I felt ecstatic to hear Pam say she rode on a roller coaster in regards to liking/not liking Lee. He’s not an easy man and less easy to understand. As soon as you think you’ve got him figured out a new aspect of his character emerges. There’ll be more of that.

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Opening to the future, closing up the past

Scene: the main protagonist, Kerri Ann, experiences the death of a family member and reacts not with grief but with stoicism. As others reach out to her she pulls away. It ends in a bedroom with a pillow discussion and a ticking clock underscoring the gravity of life, the choices made to ignore rather than face the past, and the acquiescing to routine rather than opening up to pain and moving forward through life. It’s what they don’t discuss that hangs as a mist to influence future misunderstanding, except at this point I’m the only one who knows that.

“All right,” he said, reached over and turned out the bedside light. He drew in close, sifted my hair over my shoulder, and his lips lingered in light caresses on the nape of my neck. I didn’t respond to his touch. I loitered in the past, trundled through that horrid hovel, knowing it would look worse as an adult than it ever had as a child. The mantel clock ticked a muffled beat as the rest of the house grew silent. The last light seeping under the door went dark, hurling us into blackness.

“Why didn’t you want me to come?” he spoke into the night.

Share, the clock clicked rhythmically. Share, it tocked.

Lisa: good imagery with Kerri Ann and her dad; -just “confided” good don’t need “whispered;” +”Traced my mark.” Note? Need to understand its importance, need more on that. +”Cascading concern,” +”leave it alone,” Sherrine told Chloe; +the whiff of tissues from box;” +glad Lee came; didn’t’ understand only ½ hour of people after funeral? +rude second husband; +speculation about door tight in parents house. Not sure I understand the fight between Kerrie Ann and Lee(?); I don’t care about that, I care about now (conflicts with his questions during fight).

Melanie: Graveyard scene. +Lee not coming to funeral, +++Lee arrived. +Grief of others – for her. +Guest “welcome to God’s country” scene, we knew something was coming! +Pretend jobs no one needs. +Tick Tock.

Pam: +Nice inner thoughts at the first part. Interesting that she left before he died. So she hated her mom, too? I didn’t remember that – sorry. Why is she so devastated that she can’t even function? +Great imagining at the funeral! I’m glad Lee came! Good exchange of character dialogue at the reception (I didn’t get the whole door thing). K.A. has many issues doesn’t she? I wish she wasn’t so ashamed of her past. +Breathe – tick-breath – toc’ (That entire scene is well done).

Peggy: +Dredged up murk” …ooh, I like that! ?He “walked” away again? Death? +Like a lone sentinel, + :-). +Chloe being mad about Lee not being there…And then for him to be at the funeral…Yay! + :-). +”his eyes smiled…” <-- nice. +Like the addition of the clock ticking with her thoughts. +Getting to know Kerri Ann.

Edits: The group thought I could eliminate a couple of summary references to items the reader understands from the details. Done.

There was some confusion about KA’s feelings about her mom. She didn’t hate her, and also some questioning why Kerri Ann felt the death so hard of someone she did hate. Fixed.

I moved the tissue box in the scene from the rows of well-wishers to the family row and think it tightened up the emotions.

Pam’s catch, “Interesting that she left before he died,” will give me something nice to remind her of when KA reflects in Part II why she did that. I’ll enjoy reminding Pam of how astute she was to catch that fleeting thought.

This was one of my chapters I sent to the teacher (Carolyn Rose) when I missed a class to attend volunteer orientation for Willamette Writers Conference. I used teacher's feedback to enhance the scene, but also mistakenly took the scene too far. The read to the group let me know I needed to pull Lee back, the Korean husband, soften his edges, he is not an easy character to understand. we will love him and get pissed at him from here on out. Characters tick as illusive as people who don't want to be known, or who don't know themselves well, as complicated as the inner workings of a clock.

The tick-tock they referenced is a clock beating in the background as Kerri Ann opens up to Lee, shares her childhood, how it haunts her and how she doesn’t want it to touch him. A ticking clock will show up in Part II, but that's to underscore the need to leave. This was a fun night for me to read—lot of emotion in the room, intense listening.

Death knocks at door, who’s answering?

Reading chapter eight (our critique group reads 12 minutes out loud each week) was a riveting experience. The quiet in the room reflected the turmoil of the relationships that were exposed in this chapter. It was all a bit unsettling. When I finished I knew rhe book was moving the right direction.

“Your dad was sick of being sick,” Sherrine sighed, and switched on the wipers. “He had a persistent cold, couldn’t get over it, lasted for months, his stomach hurt from constant coughing. I’d stopped by to give him your new phone number and found his car broke down, so I drove him to his appointments. It was better if someone went with him, to help with prescriptions.” She paused, but I remained silent. “I was there when he got the diagnosis. They told him he was dying, he spoke your mom's name, your name, and he broke down.”

I leaned my cheek against the cold window of the truck, the movement of the vehicle rattled me and stirred up old murk. “I wish I could have been more, or at least better then I was,” I murmured into the glass. “He needed something, I never figured it out.” I rubbed away the fog from my breath. “You did everything, didn’t you—transportation, every blessed errand, probably paid the doctor. I know you.” (A Single Pearl, Chapter 8).

Icons: plus sign ‘+’ to denote good, minus ‘-’ not, and a ‘?’ for obvious.

Lisa: +molded official credit card; +description of Sherrine; +green truck, familiar; +like the familiar comfort. ”A friend from this wretched place?” +The Asian child; +bathroom pink comfort; smell of hospice building?, move up in the scene so we encounter it sooner. +Like the “last” scene with father (before college); +good description of father.

Melanie: +First time seeing new name. Why not talk about children? Need inner thought. +”Enough’ I was only one who laughed. Change order of scene at Chloe’s. +Good scene in car. +Throwing money all over. +Hate you – whewie.

Pam: How did she feel about her dad dying – obviously not very bad. Did it bring up any unsettled emotions? (Ok, you answer it later). +Pocked over gravel; +nice senses of smell. +So true about alcoholism—well described. +”Old murk.” +Very good details of her past and her anger.

Peggy: +Description. +”Warmed the glacier in me…” She signaled? (icon); I like how she (Kerri Ann) went to visit her ‘home’(town)--> lots of great details of her history and backstory. :-) +Why anyone would want to follow the card/recipe when it’s easier from a can! (:-) I can relate!). “That old man,” would “my old man” be better? Ok. +Nice imagery of father in bed. – Don’t’ relay need to say that she “said goodbye,” you include the details of her doing it…

Surprise! Meet your new Korean family, or Ack! What did she get herself into?

Okay, if you’re not reading the book you don’t know there was a proposal between the last post and this one. Kerri Ann has followed Lee to California and see’s the house he’s chosen for them, he gives her a list of repairs and renovations needed on the bungalow, hands her a household budget to follow, and ignores her questions about the closest college. He’s got a plan for life, and at the moment that doesn’t include her doing anything except taking care of the home front so he can concentrate on building his real estate business, nor does it include introducing her to his parents before the wedding.

“Would you like a job?” he asked.

“You bet, when do I start?” I replied excited.

“Right now. Your job is the house. We need everything: living room furniture, table, pots, pans, dishes, linens, maybe new drapes.”

I glanced at the sun-blotched cloth hanging to the sides of the den window, approached them and tried to hide my disappointment, I thought he had a place for me in his business. I gazed out the window at the sliver of backyard and fingered the frayed cloth. I heard Chloe’s mom whisper, ‘Do a good job where you are, and good things will happen.’ “Okay, you got it. What’s the parameters?”

“What are the parameters,” he corrected softly.

I heard and understood. The man who spoke English as a second language had better grammar than the English major. (A Single Pearl, Chapter 6).

Here's your chance to be part of the book. I need a color for the drapes. Any suggestions?

Lisa: +stifling house; -concise, clear handwriting (don’t need next reference); +leases (what do you like to read?); +Chloe’s mom whispered; Yikes, Lee seems controlling. Chap 7 I think Chloe would have a different response to marriage; +Lee’s mother’s response; What was finger gesture?; +soap opera and the whole family in Korean; +volunteer at elementary school; +it wouldn’t be cooking (for fun) + can’t wait…

Melanie: +Good tension—parents not coming to wedding; +Like to read leases (character development); +Tension—he wouldn’t tell her where college—not good. +Love the mother’s wailing. +Gifts a payoff. +Embarrass about no ring for Lee. It wouldn’t be cooking. Call between Chloe and Kerri Ann.

Pam: What sports car—make? Ah!! Corvette-nice. Within budget? What is the budget? ! I’m beginning to have second thoughts about Lee—. +”Eyes disappeared into a grin.” Ch 7 +Pretty dress!! (In my mind). +Kind of like the dad, +interesting mom, +great visual of parents’ house. +And I like the cleaning of their own house for the new beginning. Why would tuition be out-of-state?

Peggy: +Staring at her shoes…has reader wondering and then realize it’s the song :-), The whole shoe thing’s cute. +He quirked an eyebrow…”No.” Sorry I missed so much :-( Send it to me, please!

EDITS: Sometimes you know what happens, but you don’t always have the right characters handling the action or spelling out the dialogue. In one instance, I changed the speaker to make better sense within the lines of characters already drawn. Melanie also steered me over the bump of the entire reveal of meeting the parents happening during a phone conversation between Kerri Ann and her friend Chloe. Mel wanted to see the drive over to Lee’s parents house and the scene blossomed.

The feedback makes mention of a song Kerri Ann listens to. In real life I was cleaning the kitchen and listening to 89.10 FM and heard this clever tune by Fats Waller. It wrote itself naturally into the manuscript, outlining the tight financial situation KA had at college, and brought in an exchange between Lee and KA that answers the question: why he is so driven to make money? You won’t get any answers from the YouTube tune, but it's still fun.

Since beginning Pam has been questioning if Lee was too good to be true, this chapter was her first cloud of doubt. The teeter-tooter continues through chapter after chapter. She likes him, she hates him. If I’ve done my job right she’ll feel about him the same way I do at the end. Looking forward to finding out that outcome!

Okay, now help me -- what color are those drapes?

"I love you," so where do we go from here?

Scene: Despite their geographical distances, Chapter 6 escalates the relationship between Lee and Kerri Ann. It's obvious he hasn't stopped thinking about her, and they stay in contact daily.

I tried not to live in my imagination too much, but Lee was the last thing I thought of when I placed my head on the pillow, and my first thought when I woke, mostly because that’s when he called. He even paid my phone bill once, but I sent back the check and told him it would really cost him if he stopped calling, I simply watched the clock aware of what I could afford.

We chatted, regular routine, then something changed in his voice, he started asking about numbers, odd things, wanted to confirm my building number, my dorm room number.

“What are you doing?” he chuckled.

“Sitting here talking to you.” I flipped a blue pen through my fingers. “What’s funny?”

“Walk outside,” he said. (A Single Pearl, Chapter 6).

Lisa: +like him in the outside scene; inched forward?; +I like how.. <--can’t remember what damn! +He loved being bossy; +never tell me about that girl again; +I want you so I can work, live…

Melanie: +You’re for real (suggest she say it into the phone?). What was his reaction when she said, “I miss you.” Why was she furious he said I love you? +Chloe’s question: did he ask about you? Ring – suggest just a smidgen of thought about gift, +never tell me about that girl again.

Pam: Love the image of the geek’s limbs (Lurker). Name of the restaurant? I don’t think, “I miss you,” sounds needy? She couldn’t have said it first—she doesn’t have Lee’s confidence. +Like your details about and on the Space Needle. ++Organic, evolving Seattle. Why doesn’t she tell Chloe she loved him? +”Trout out of a Montana stream.” He doesn’t seem…(Pam crossed something out here) to me.

Peggy: +Great details, felt there; ++Imagery. +Like how Lee came to visit her at college. –Lost me a little in the business details, how much is necessary? +Like the descriptions of Seattle. +Fish “not Lee’s style.” +Conversation with Chloe, Oh, but would Chloe really move in with someone with whom she truly didn’t know his name? Other than “Lurker?”

EDITS:
This was the first time Lee tells Kerri Ann he loves her, it takes place in the Emerald City (Seattle) and happens in a surprising way. She is taken off guard and has to decide fast how to accept his declaration. Some quick fixes to the chapter, nothing major, but the most minor ones add finesse and ideas came from Mel to plump the scene. Peggy got bored with Lee talking about his business; it may be interesting to note the next time he gives a big talk about his business Peggy got bored with that, too! My response? How interesting can guys be when they talk about their careers? (or sports). And to answer the question: would Chloe really move in with someone who’s first name she doesn’t know, only his nickname? Yes, she acts first, thinks later. Listen to how she talks! Well, I guess you'll have to get the book to really 'hear' how she talks.

Yeah, um, that’s not how a guy talks

Scene: The pearl is introduced, it appears as a gift from Lee to Kerri Ann,a little first aid for the soul. She is surprised by her reaction to it, she accepts it, and also accepts the budding relationship with Lee.

He looked over and stared at me thoughtfully. He set the paper flat, flicked his thumb through the pages and smiled. “I was coming for a swim, looking for an open chair to throw my towel, first one I noticed was next to you...
(A Single Pearl, Chapter 5).

Lisa: +Sweet gift reason; +like the necklace application and the goodnight at the door; +Sandy was used to cleaning up after us; -Phrase: what does that matter - doesn’t work; + I like what is being revealed in Lee; +like the food, rice papaya. -Lee’s language a little too flowery when he describes first encounter with Kerrie Ann.

Melanie: +runs finger under silver necklace; +gift feels bad after Chloe; +enunciated each word; Buddha, Mary etc. ? +Ask for what you want; -just a little too flowery for Lee’s description

Pam: Very good/telling scene with Chloe, et al. How could she pack that fast? I want to see why Lee likes Kerri Ann. Oh, good! Now I know why Lee is attracted to her!

Peggy: +Wonderful end to Chapter 5. Would like to hear/see more with the kiss (just after he gave her the pearl necklace). +Like the connection with the necklace! The Single Pearl J Wonderful! +Great that Lee defends her with Chloe. +Wonderful dialogue with Chloe and their friends. +Good details with Lee, “hands entwined,” etc. Would a guy be that thorough with the details? Or is that his personality? Chloe called it quits”?

EDITS: Okay, every one was of the same mind, Lee was just a little too girly when he described the first time he encountered Kerri Ann. Edit, edit, edit. Here’s what I was trying to accomplish: when writing in first person it’s hard to develop a concept of what the character looks like, someone has to describe them, best person on this list had to be Lee, and I wrote Kerri Ann they way I saw her, BUT NOT HOW A GUY WOULD. Erase, fix. I also took out a reference to Budha. Erase.

Visit by the teacher, no holds barred critique, crawling off to lick wounds

We met at Lisa’s house this week, Pam’s off on a trip, Alaskan Cruise. Lisa extended an invitation to Carolyn Rose, our professor from Novel Writing Boot Camp. Carolyn made us shake in our boots as she showed us all up, deftly handling gut wrenching critiques of our work, far deeper than we’d been venturing, and made us wonder if we’d been too easy on each other.

White wave ruffles floated on top of spinning water, came in close, collapsed, receded, repeated. We trudged through the dry sand, and as we got close to the waves I slipped off my sandals. “Please don’t buy me gifts,” I started, sentences coming out ruptured, held together with sighs. “I don’t like them. I know that sounds dumb, but they have never meant good things to me.” I realized that explanation would not be enough, and I didn’t want to be badgered. “Give me a minute,” I whispered, and shivered even though the sun was hot. I gathered my thoughts as waves tumbled.
(A Single Pearl, Chapter Four).

Scene: Lee’s first attempt to buy Kerri Ann a gift, her violent reaction, introduces their polar experiences: family life, finances. His persistence to know about her prior relationship, and the reveal of how things ended with Gary.

Lisa: I feel she should suggest going to the beach. I like the gift explanation. I like that she was industrious/independent when young. I like the sunglasses (protection). The intro of the Gary story was awkward. I’m not sure ‘sounds like you’re falling in love’ fits. I like gift to herself.

Melanie: + She didn’t let him buy gift, but I wanted to know why earlier. ++Back story of work she did. I’m confused as to when she found out about Gary. + ‘Accept a gift to me from me.’

Sallee: + ‘artificial apologies’ good sentence; + ‘no gifts…friends are important to me;’ interesting story about Gary, ‘filter from the scrutiny’ (good),. -Need more sexual tension description, -more emotion, feelings, reaction, -need deeper descriptions.

Carolyn: What are Kerri Ann’s thoughts and visceral reaction about the pearl? - 'water cylinders,' sounds like tanks of water. +Great backstory about father’s drinking. More reaction, given what he asks about gifts (he’s so weird), does she think he can understand? What’s her reaction when he says, ‘you need to accept a gift’? Reaction to his talk of finance. What are his inane questions, give us some conflict. Do the girls know the truth about Gary? Give us more of the basis of Lee’s and Kerri Ann’s attraction beyond the physical, make us see and feel the chemistry. Why is Chloe adamant Kerri Ann not be with Lee, what’s Kerri’s reaction, what’s Chloe’s objection, dialogue? Explore giving herself a gift, what about this trip! Other gifts. Are you spending too much time in Hawaii? Can you shorten it, it could outweigh the rest of the book.

EDITS: Almost too many to mention after Carolyn’s dogged pursuit of perfecting writing among her students. Oh, and it stings she thought Lee was weird, but of course she’s coming in mid-stream, we’re already on chapter five for heaven’s sake, and she’s missed the best, near perfect portion of my writing, this was just a minor hiccup. And not to add insult to injury, but Carolyn organized a seminar with Elizabeth Lyon immediately following our meeting. Okay, enough of that rant, at least she doesn’t think we’re hopeless, obviously believes were trainable, and yes, I’ll admit it, I reaped the benefit of her advice, Lee actually asks his questions that had earlier only been dimly referenced:

“Were you very close?” Lee asked.
“We knew each other about a year, we were good friends.”
“You were more than acquaintances, then.”
“I just said we were friends.”
“Close enough to be…at risk?”
“What do you mean?”
He stared at me.
“Do you mean intimate?” I asked.

The thought process Carolyn started sent me back to Kerri Ann, and got me in her head. She now reflects why she finds Lee attractive, dependable-reliable, which gave me references to draw on for other head-discussions she has further on in the book, and of course his reliable-routine will unsettle her in the future, nothing unexpected, then naturally he’ll do things very unexpected.

REFLECTION: At each turn, the writer decides what they will alter to please others weighed against what they believe, know and what no one else sees coming--dang it all, sometimes you just have to let go of some of the feedback. The reviewer comes with their prejudices and shouldn’t sway the author when their course encourages a slide down a muddy hill. I slipped a bit. You’ll just have to crawl back up, put on clean clothes and a clean tableau on the laptop. Doesn’t this picture look like a water cylinder? “White wave ruffles floated on top of cylinders of water….” Tanks of water?' I mean really, grumble, grumble. How would you explain it? No really, I'm asking, describe it.

I need coffee, then I'll think about revising…again

“Are you changing the subject?” I asked exasperated.

“Am I?”

“Do you always answer a question with a question?”

“Why?”

I laughed not knowing what else to do, and realized how much I didn’t know about this man, and wondered why it didn’t worry me. (A Single Pearl, Chapter Three).

Scene : Lee and Kerri Ann go eye-shopping in Hawaii. At coffee she shares tid-bits about island history that cover California Longhorns to Captain George Vancouver, and in-between they rush through blaming white people for taking over the islands, differ on the death penalty, and we discover Lee’s distaste for women using bad language. After a stroll they slip into an ‘interesting shop’ (to quote the manuscript prior to edits).

Late one afternoon we stumbled onto a narrow street with small shops pulsing with international undercurrents and sweltering activity. We walked into every one. The last one was a pearl shop. I knew better than to go into a jewelry store with a date. That was a sure fire way to send a man packing. I kept moving, Lee stopped, and I teetered bound by his hand.

“Missed one,” he said, and he coaxed me inside.

Ions: plus sign ‘+’ to denote good, minus ‘-’ not, and a ‘?’ for obvious.

Lisa: I like that Kerri Ann read out of a book to him, ‘tropical temperature…’ like that she wanted public transport, like the jewelry store.

Melanie: good about Montana milk-toast culture. +Bus great, good description of jewelry, stepping on foot.

Pam: good banter between the two characters, cleaver humor, ‘interesting shops’ how?

EDITS: This whole section got a complete overhaul before bringing to the group: roughed out, flushed out, enhanced, expanded then honed down, repeat the cycle. I uncovered Kerri Ann’s love for ‘tid-bits,’ little pieces of information about places and things, and her fascination of powerful women. It introduces Vancouver, Washington, which will appear later in the book.

Eating Korean food, what was I thinking?

Scene:Lee stops by Kerri Ann's room and makes a date for dinner. Chloe attempts to interfere, Lee coaxes Kerri Ann to talk about herself.

My curiosity about the evening got the better of me, and I asked lame question number three, a slight quaver in my voice, “Where are we going?"

“We have big plans,” he said and tightened his grip as if he thought I might run away. “There are three things on our agenda. First, I want to do something dangerous and memorable with you... (A Single Pearl, Chapter Three).

Icons: plus sign ‘+’ to denote good, minus ‘-’ not, and a ‘?’ for obvious.

Lisa: +sofa description, like the helicopter excuse, but that he came by. ? ‘creating an internal experience,’ what does that feel like? +Endless..” +Hope they never crossed my palate, +instincts…my mom.

Melanie: +take sunglasses off, practically licked lips in anticipation, crapped out (DWFM) at door, mad money(!). Wouldn’t he say wears Chloe? +Auto breezes. -Smell of Korean food? Wondering what the food is--tell us. +Loved him coming over in the morning.

Pam: Your female character is charming. Lee is a rascal! He seems “slick” is he? Dialogue is convincing. ?Not one Korean server in sight? Chopsticks?

Peggy: Oh, I wish I hadn’t missed where they were!? (Hawaii?). +great descriptions (restaurant), + ‘Fight like made dogs,’ great additions to the characters (What I heard anyway). Sorry I missed so much! :-(

EDITS: Mel offered a great suggestion, enhancing this section with a reference to a dog. There he stood, right on time. He looked like a guy ready for his first date with a nice girl, but not ready for the girl’s family. “Is the dog tied up?” he asked looking around for Chloe.

LIFE EXPERIENCE: To improve the restaurant scene, we went out (in real-life) to a Korean restaurant and ran our tongues over very strange and alarming tastes, but it added to the developing food description. In the book, I sent a Korean server to their table, and Lee tried to help Kerri Ann operate chopsticks; she never gets better at it, not even in Part II. In fact, if she’s not careful she may put someone’s eye out.

Lee ordered for us without looking at a menu, sounded like a lot of goop to me and they all arrived at the same time. Floating slivers of green onion in a clear broth that left a faint fishy aftertaste, a variety of little dishes: eggplant, a chard-like pickled vegetable that he called radish, something that appeared to have been string beans before shredding, slimy mushrooms, spicy potatoes. Everything cooked but served cold, and those were just the appetizers. The main dish was a bowl of yuk—cooked sprouts, fried egg, more mushrooms, zucchini, blackened seaweed—and buried at the bottom rice. That I could swallow.

Lisa: your change in references to the food ‘interesting,’ good food description. Like hearing about his father, want to hear more about his family in first chapter. + ‘A friend from home’ (moon); liked that she declined to answer questions about previous relationships. ? ‘and this time do it with meaning’? Didn’t you use that before re a kiss? Porch light?

Melanie: +alcohol sip vs. gulp, good info on rentals and interesting presentation, trapped?? (kiss). +‘How arrogant was I?’ Great, ha ha ha. +Good at his door.

Pam: I like the way you weave in her past with the current conversation. Why trapped? And why was she fighting it? + ‘logical progression;’ great ending.

EDITS: Kerri Ann felt ‘trapped’ in the restaurant right before Lee leaned in for a kiss, softened that up in the rewrite, and of course, the evening ended with a kiss…

I walked him to his hotel door, fulfilling my secret desire to know which room he slept in, and wondered what it would feel like to be so sophisticated you’d follow a boy home and walk right in. Considered if I could do it.

“Coming in?” he asked.

“I…I…,” I stuttered, stumbled onto solid ground and said, “Not with your friends around.” I might be curious, but I wasn’t courageous.

His words ended the evening on a light note. “Ja-ky, I wish I could slip inside my room and disappear as smoothly and efficiently as you, but I’m a regular guy, not a magician.”

When I laughed he wrapped me in a playful embrace.
“Do that again,” I invited.

Don't all great dates start in a bar?

Scene: The bar, introduces Lee’s friends and their intriguing quirks and Lee's fascination with Kerri Ann.

He reached into his shirt pocket, pulled something small out, and said to me, low voice humming, “I have something for you.” He opened his palm and rolled a tube over revealing a travel size first aid cream. “Your arm,” he requested.

Fear flashed through me. It was pretty dark in that bar, and the music blared, but we were still in public and my tiny, sunburned arms were way too skinny to be the center of anyone’s attention, let alone this beautiful man’s. I hesitated.
“Give him your arm!” John shouted.
“Prescription from the vacation doctor,” Sandy approved.
“Permission to have fun,” Todd nodded.
Chloe scowled. (A Single Pearl, Chapter Two).

Icons: plus sign ‘+’ to denote good, minus ‘-’ not, and a ‘?’ for obvious.

Lisa: + Todd/eyeglasses; like Lee and Kerri Ann’s moment alone at table, Why did friends come back to the table? Took a little long. + Tongue across lips. Like the dance floor experience, her exit from the bar. “Self-preservation“ has me wondering. ‘What are you thinking?’ ‘Sorry, 7th grade Billy…’ Transition from going to sleep to friends in room rough.

Melanie: +Todd; +she smiled into glass, +when Lee said, ‘Relax.’ -Walk you home--wouldn‘t she be a little nervous about him walking her home? ++Seventh grade Billy. More inner thought during prejudice scene.

Pam: I like hearing her thoughts about Lee -- he is soooo dreamy…I think. Your writing is very distinct and has clear voice. I have question about green and dust, pine and needles. ‘Blessed,’ maybe take one out (?) ‘cooling cream’ might be enough. Chloe: is there any indication she is prejudiced prior to this?

EDITS: a little more tipsy tumble when Kerri Ann’s friends return to the room from the bar, wove in a hint in prior part of chapter about Chloe’s taste in men, ‘blonder the better,’ helped ready the reader for her reaction to a friend dating an Asian, deleted a mini-scene in the bar-friends running back and forth from the dance floor, per Lisa’s suggestion, tightened the scene up better.

PRIOR EDITS: Earlier, I took out they found their Hawaii hotel on the internet, an obvious ploy to ground the reader in the present, but it didn’t add anything of merit. Also, at one point Kerri Ann listened to country western music on an ipod; that also hit the recycling bin, along with a song she warbled in Part II, ‘Oh, Lee-lee, you owe me a Car-car.” Gads, you have no idea how much this has improved, lucky for you. Me? I’ve had all the hard work after the hard knocks.

Start at the beginning, one, two, three

Meet the players in Chapter one: Sandy and Chloe, seniors at the University of Washington, plan a spring break trip to Hawaii and convince Kerri Ann, their sophomore friend, to tag along:

I’d thought about the trip for quite awhile before committing. They’d been afraid I wouldn’t have enough money to come. I did. I saved earnestly, always had, and prided myself on squeezing every drop of value out of money, that way you didn’t need too much of it. Currently, my stash nested inside books on the board and cement block shelf in my U-Dub dorm room. (A Single Pearl, Chapter One)

Scene: Kerri Ann and Lee meet in Hawaii for the first time by the hotel's pool.

Icons: plus sign ‘+’ to denote good, minus ‘-’ not, and a ‘?’ for obvious.

Ginger: +pool explanation, +goose white skin, +hairy chests, -sunglasses, how could she see his eyes if he wore sunglasses? +like the first meeting, +off with her ends, +hair description…nice dude, +great dialogue.

Jade: +good describing the smells, ‘slowly re-threaded,’ +nice slowly describing the man, ++good description on the eyes.

Kelly: +description of pool scene, cab scene, good inner thought.

Lisa: +good description of poolside and ocean, ‘Pleasure or wickedness’ Wickedness doesn’t feel like right word, +‘North or South,’ +good description of his eyes, +‘off with their ends,’ -would like more fore-shadowing of depression if possible, +like her discomfort of joining Chloe’s family.

Melanie: +deep end position thoughts, goose white skin, loved ‘open and unending,’ used word ‘tracked’ twice when looking at the man holding sunscreen, + ‘North or south, haha, +great twist that the owner of sunscreen not girlfriend. Depression? Maybe sooner?

Pam: +nice opening for Chapter, setting the scene by the pool, et al. +Your details are good, brings image to reader, +skilled writing, interesting story. +Good banter between the two characters. ? ‘over and over on into infinity’ take out ‘on.’ +’off with their ends,’ good allusion to Alice…

Peggy: +great details especially at beginning, +’lungs’ etc, grounded character, ‘flesh stuck to seats’ and smell of sweat… ?Sweat stung her eye…’ can you add emotion/feelings of her surroundings more before going to the reception area? +‘Falling into his eyes…’ etc. +great job capturing her emotion and feelings, “series of mirrors,’ great metaphor/similes throughout. Great description of Chloe ß fun uses of language.

Sallee: + ‘admiration from the hairy-chested…cabby’s body odor…drop of perspiration…the pool awaits…goose-white skin. Great description of envy/jealousy, more great descriptions and imagery! -I’m not sure where this is headed, or what they want. Is this a romance novel? Emphasis on plot. More about her depression, last chance to see friends? Goal to get away from doldrums?

EDITS: Okay, enough positive feedback to lock into the good stuff and throw out the other. One thousand rewrites cracked the scene down to half to one-quarter of original. I knew why all the characters were where they were, hadn’t quite captured it fully on paper, needed to lead reader more into Kerri Ann’s state of mind, she’s depressed, end of an unsuccessful infatuation, primed for the next love struck moment of her life, and this guy has no idea the tiger he will grab by the tail when he falls for her and he discovers what she’s like when she’s not depressed, and the goose white flesh hit the cutting room floor, Lisa wasn’t sure they would brag that way about themselves.

I chose that spot, near the deep end,
even though it didn’t have enough shade. Strategic, away from the pool steps, away from the parade of flirts who roamed in and out of the water and the echoes of admiration of the hairy-chested who ran after them. I needed peace. (A Single Pearl, Chapter One).

Writing Boot Camp, crap we have to read out loud!

I did not start at the beginning of the book, but rather a chapter I was working on at the time. It gets re-read when it pops up again during our die-hard meetings, and it caused some frustration to me as Lisa, who caught my characters not being true to character, again caught me on the second go-round where I still lacked skill. Soooo not fair. That’s writing -- wanting to argue with the reviewers, but once sensible, really want the work to improve, stomp home frustrated, yet determined, turn on the computer and edit.

Scene: Lee has invited his cousins over for the evening and has asked Kerri Ann to go to the liquor store for him, a task she detests, her passive aggressive response spirals out of control and ends in disaster...for her.

The last thing I wanted was a bunch of drunks in my house, of any nationality, but I stocked up. Three to four brands of scotch, whiskey, bourbon, rum, vodka, gin, singles of brandy, cognac, kahlua, tequila and some other crap that was on sale. Enough to open my own bar, didn’t want to have to make that trip for another ten years. I lined up the bottles on the dining table and they covered every inch.

“Jesus,” Lee said, when he walked in the back door, “I didn’t invite the whole country.” (A Single Pearl, Chapter 10)

We used the plus sign ‘+’ abbreviation to denote what we liked, minus ‘-’ did not, ‘?’ for obvious, and I used a dot when I wanted something I wasn’t getting, but it wasn’t bad enough for a minus.

Ginger: +like the storyline, ‘bow at the Lee alter,’ people’s reaction she is not Korean, -confusing at the end of chapter and start of next.

Jade: + ‘his mouth opened but no sound came out,’ and a ‘second shot of electricity sizzled.’

Kelly: great conflict, +‘…until I realized I should, maybe, breathe…’

Lisa: ++good description, funny; good verbs, ?hanbok? What is it, explain. If they’re married and she’s naked after the fiasco, well, something more happens in the bedroom. Tighten up the description of her thoughts about John talking about father.

Melanie: ++love the voice, humor, emotion, tension.

Pam: I assume there is a reason he is Korean? Your dialogue is very telling of the characters. The whole series of action: the cousin yelped, the door slammed, etc. I loved that! It sounds like Lee isn’t all that mad, more fascinated with her. Is Lee his first name? Didn’t you say “Jason Lee” at one point? Probably not. Good visual details and I like your character’s thoughts.

Peggy: +great emotion, gut wrenching. +great description of characters. -May want to add when she left the liquor store and was home, ground the character a bit more there. +everywhere else was good, just make sure reader knows where she is. +nameplates--great description here, +office description, +pressure with handshake J , like her thoughts during John‘s rambling.

Sallee: +good résumé description, t-shirt, bare-bottom (good descriptions), -need more scenery, surrounds, embarrassment goes on too long (?), -confusing as to where we are, +'cute sandal to cute sandal' (good!), + good description of office (old world), more action and conflict, good inner thoughts.

EDITS: I felt when the reader receives the information about the backdrop prior to this scene, what the class felt was missing might feel less so. Am I right? You’ll have to skip ahead to where critique of Chapter 10 occurs to find out. And when you do, well, something more happened in the bedroom, unlike Lee, Kerri Ann
has no problem apologizing. The change altered the mood of the scene, helped end the confusion between chapters, but I felt we lost the concept that Lee is fascinated with Kerri Ann. In the end, the scene served its purpose, explained why she refuses to wear a hanbok, traditional Korean dress, but not necessarily why it was important to him, but that gets explained in Part II.

Yes, book is divided into two parts, One and Two. (That ‘one and two’ was probably unnecessary, but that’s ME, write way more than you need to, now where’s that red pen…or that drink!)

The Critics and the Critiques

So what does a critique group actually say after you pull out your laptop, open your manuscript file and proceed to read something out loud? Perhaps before we follow that there should be an introduction to the critics.

Lisa: full time mom of three boys 6 to 16, prior life physician’s assistant. Great writer of dialogue, hears the significance of each word, signals when it’s the wrong word. Writing an inspirational novel. When she wrote the scene where her male protagonist took his shirt off and strained muscles and poured sweat to chop wood, Mel and I were left panting. Bereft. We’re still waiting for the love scene, but she's just stringing us along. Hey, Lisa--could you give us a love scene with the ex-boyfriend, maybe in a flashback?

Melanie: accounting assistant in plastics manufacturing plant, prior life, police assistant, ambulance driver, cop, endless relater of belly-laugh-stories all from real life--train station, meth dens, the highway, almost shot a man, excuse me, criminal, because she had to pee so bad, as in ‘gonna wet my pants if this doesn’t end soon.’ I’ll let her tell you who needed a change of clothes when it was over. Mel identifies scenes that would be improved by dialogue, sparking the story to life. Defender of the mantra ‘show don’t tell,’ always anxious to ‘see it,’ and can illustrate what that means! Writing historical fiction. Mel’s dagger-of-a-pen and keeps our class in stitches. Mel and I are slightly jealous of Lisa’s ability to ease right into a fully formed chapter as we struggle through re-writes and editing. Mel thinks Lisa may not confess to as many re-writes as she actually does. I don’t know, Lisa looks pretty honest to me…

Pam: retired schoolteacher, traveler, hostess of our group, kids all grown up. Our English prof, correcting the stray error, extremely, character-oriented, catches when our fictional people falter out of character alignment. Loves Lee (from A Single Pearl), hates Lee, loves Lee, hates, loves, hates…I wait with baited breath to receive her feedback at book’s end, will she embrace Lee and all his faults, or will she reject him? Pam is writing a coming of age novel based in the Columbia River Gorge. “I’ve been thinking…” usually signals adventure.

Peggy: stay at home mom, tall, shy blond--very Nordic…angelic children, too young to have a prior life as anything but kid herself. Peggy alerts on repeated words, seldom does that herself, but when it does we’re so surprised, and she has to review her manuscript to believe it herself. Writing young adult fantasy, and makes us wonder why her main female character's hands spark fires as easily as Peggy blushes.

Others: Ginger, Jade, Kelly, Sallee, classmates from Clark College’s Novel Writing Book Camp II, whose thoughts were captured as they shared during actual class moments. They’ll appear at the beginning of the editing process, but variously did not continue the weekly get-togethers, like us die-hards, although they popped up with a stray email here or there.

Worst Critic (me! because I’m not a critic, or at least a very good one): I write it and I think its sooo good, then I edit and I think, man it was bad before, but now it’s really good; then I edit and I say, wow it was bad before, but NOW its really, really good; then I edit some more, some more, some more... To date, I estimate I have thrown out 30,000 words, written, oh let’s say about 150,000+ words, have honed it down to -- well, forget it, I’m not saying, but striving, struggling, besieged and stressed to get it down to 95,000 very succinct, tightly written, finely tuned, conflict-'resoluting,' can’t-put-down words. I dance along, propping my little writer’s heart up, wondering if I had had any concept of what this would take to finish, would I have left the whole damn thing in my head, had a nice little fantasy with a handsome Asian man, I mean drop-dead gorgeous, you would turn your head if he passed you on the street, man? I’ll answer that later.

In the meantime, I sit computer side, addicted to the curse of writing, actually that’s not true, writing is the easy portion we serve, it’s the editing that is the curse!