Monday, March 9, 2009

Death knocks at door, who’s answering?

Reading chapter eight (our critique group reads 12 minutes out loud each week) was a riveting experience. The quiet in the room reflected the turmoil of the relationships that were exposed in this chapter. It was all a bit unsettling. When I finished I knew rhe book was moving the right direction.

“Your dad was sick of being sick,” Sherrine sighed, and switched on the wipers. “He had a persistent cold, couldn’t get over it, lasted for months, his stomach hurt from constant coughing. I’d stopped by to give him your new phone number and found his car broke down, so I drove him to his appointments. It was better if someone went with him, to help with prescriptions.” She paused, but I remained silent. “I was there when he got the diagnosis. They told him he was dying, he spoke your mom's name, your name, and he broke down.”

I leaned my cheek against the cold window of the truck, the movement of the vehicle rattled me and stirred up old murk. “I wish I could have been more, or at least better then I was,” I murmured into the glass. “He needed something, I never figured it out.” I rubbed away the fog from my breath. “You did everything, didn’t you—transportation, every blessed errand, probably paid the doctor. I know you.”
(A Single Pearl, Chapter 8).

Icons: plus sign ‘+’ to denote good, minus ‘-’ not, and a ‘?’ for obvious.

Lisa: +molded official credit card; +description of Sherrine; +green truck, familiar; +like the familiar comfort. ”A friend from this wretched place?” +The Asian child; +bathroom pink comfort; smell of hospice building?, move up in the scene so we encounter it sooner. +Like the “last” scene with father (before college); +good description of father.

Melanie: +First time seeing new name. Why not talk about children? Need inner thought. +”Enough’ I was only one who laughed. Change order of scene at Chloe’s. +Good scene in car. +Throwing money all over. +Hate you – whewie.

Pam: How did she feel about her dad dying – obviously not very bad. Did it bring up any unsettled emotions? (Ok, you answer it later). +Pocked over gravel; +nice senses of smell. +So true about alcoholism—well described. +”Old murk.” +Very good details of her past and her anger.

Peggy: +Description. +”Warmed the glacier in me…” She signaled? (icon); I like how she (Kerri Ann) went to visit her ‘home’(town)--> lots of great details of her history and backstory. :-) +Why anyone would want to follow the card/recipe when it’s easier from a can! (:-) I can relate!). “That old man,” would “my old man” be better? Ok. +Nice imagery of father in bed. – Don’t’ relay need to say that she “said goodbye,” you include the details of her doing it…


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