Creative Process of Writing a Novel

By Guest Contributor Little_Karol. This piece written for a creative writing class and originally published at Writing My Heart.

Part I of III

MY QUESTION

“If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it.” ~Toni Morrison

The start, the beginning of a long journey. It’s initiated with a page. A blank one at that. Staring me down until I’m sitting in a corner glaring at the page.. It’s intimidating. I have a need, I fill the need suppressed by fear with the ability to cover the page with words. Stuff pages with ideas spinning around my head. Of vivid characters, living life and colorful scenes. I know imagination lets the mind expand.

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For while knowledge defines all we currently know and understand, imagination points to all we might yet discover and create.” ~Albert Einstein

Developing a manuscript equals hours of editing thousands of papers with red pen marks. It rounds out to somewhere close to hours of sleep deprivation, shoulder tension, head aches from staring at the computer screen for days on end with aching fingers and hands. Take action! Get published.

If you’re turned down, keep trying. Doctor Theodore Seuss got turned down twenty-seven times until he got published by the twenty-eighth publisher. His visual art and creative writing teachers said he didn’t have it. Editors will evaluate you and catch every flaw. Every word misused, every coma misplaced. But share with agents and they will help you share with the world.

Your critique group will support you and help you refine your book. The critique group will help you to become published. How do you get there? Here is a teenager’s view of the creative process of writing a novel. From the first words to seeing your book in the local stores.

I came to the School of Arts and Academics to expand my inner artist. I took literary arts explore sixth grade year with Michael Carr. Through poetry I found more of myself than I had bothered to go searching for. I was never much of a writer before this. I loved writing assignments, but I always did the basics and never thought I went above and beyond to deserve the four out of four I received. I am now putting all my efforts into writing assignments teachers give.

My mom started writing a novel in 2007. She used me to bounce ideas. I gave her feedback that helped her start her writing. Now, 2009, two years later, she has her manuscript. She has her own world that comes with it. Where no one else is allowed to be. A world where something is always happening and no one can interrupt. This is a phase where she no longer talks to her child. Where she gets holed up in her room and only leaves to go to work and meet with her critique group.

I always wanted to know what went through her head while she was writing. This gave me the perfect opportunity. Now I had the just the right reason to ask her all the questions I wanted without her bugging me because I was interrupting her thoughts. This gave me a new insight to how my mother thinks when creating art. Wonders of her creative process aren’t wonders but rather questions answered.

All questions How do you know when your book is done? What are your judgment thoughts? What is it like to find an agent? What is it like to be published? What is your creative process? Are answered. I find questions popping into my head from books. I find myself asking about voice and style and about metaphors and ruts that you get stuck in and can’t seem to find a way out of.

“The third step is getting out of the rut. This is the hard part. Knowing and admitting a problem are not the same as solving it. But executing a solution saves you and gets you moving again.” (Tharp 189)


MY RESEARCH PROCESS

It started with reading Twyla Tharp’s book "The Creative Habit," and then reading some of Elizabeth Lyon’s guide, "Manuscript Makeover." I also read Lyon’s other book "A Writer’s Guide to Fiction." I expanded my searching to the internet. Usually I find something on my topic, but this was a little hard. I don’t think you can really find the creative process of doing a certain task. You may be able to find the creative process of one person. But it seems a little vague. I found little to nothing about the creative process using these resources. Little details came in handy along the way though.

What is the creative process of writing a novel? Is it each stage you go through to get to the final piece? Do the Fundamental Questions help you to answer the question, what’s next? You can ask all these questions, ask so many that their head will explode before you are finished asking; and you still might not have the answer you maybe wanted. Stopping at a stand point to find you have to go and discover those answers on your own. But where to start? I have hit a rut.

I figure this question is too… vague. It’s hard to find the answer I am looking for. No internet article seems to help; every interview seems to add to my curiosity and confusion. So, I’ll look at it this way. What is the creative process of one writer? Of just one novelist? Although I don’t think of her as a novelist, but well, let’s say a mom, she still has a lot of growth and tolerance for my never ending list of questions… sometimes.

No one can define your creative process; no one can cheat off of your work. We have techniques that many of us share when writing. It’s what we have in common, the rest is up to you. We all started with one page, we all end thinking something can be improved. We all have a reference point, when we turn to a critique group to help us get through the editing stages.

In her book, "A Writers Guide to Fiction," Lyon says “If you are new to writing fiction, you may wonder if there is a right way to ‘find’ a good story, to know how best to plan a story. The answer may not be a comfort to everyone: There is no right way; there is only your way. Anything can and has inspired writers and given them the kernel from which they’ve developed a story. No matter where you begin, you will have to fill in all the blanks.” (Lyon 11)

Don’t we all start out knowing what we want to write? Is it really that easy? Carol Doane pulled her inspiration from books and observing everyday life around her. In books you don’t hear about interracial couples very often, so she put one in her book. Hear about racism, sex, alcohol? Put it in her book as well. Her book pulls you into a fantasy world where everything is supremely real and any of these things can happen to you. Live in a life with metaphors that take time to grasp and understand? You find everyday life stories that sometimes go hidden shown to us through fiction.

We all begin somewhere. When Doane starts to draw inspiration, she pulls out her three by five cards. Scribbles of words and pictures of days long, long ago. Phrases from conversations that went through her mind everyday. As she flips each note card over and over again carefully, she begins rapid fire. Typing faster than most students… or her co-workers have ever heard. She’s on a roll and no one is getting in her way. Kind of like some demolition derby driver…

She has all her writing down and begins to transform her manuscript. Making metaphor after metaphor seamlessly flow throughout her paper. Taking sentence structures and tearing them down, just to come back to something fairly similar. Replacing words with words. Deleting sentence after sentence, just so another one could take its place.

She goes to her critique group to discover more and more revising is left to be done. Going back home, thoughts are still going through her mind. She won’t let me talk to her, scared they might escape. Every time she goes, less editing seems to need to be done. But she never stops. She adds and adds and adds, and then complains her manuscript is too long. So she goes back and decides to cut some areas, just find out later, they are replaced by new ideas.

What are some techniques for writing? Everyone has their own… but some are very similar. In Elizabeth Lyon’s book, "Manuscript Makeover," she talks about many techniques different writers use when editing their manuscript. Some examples will include: cultivating deep listening, silence critics; banish censors, practice riff-writing, revise from your truth, harvest your emotions and catch fireflies.

Each of these included a description of what they are and how to apply it to your editing stage in your manuscript. She also encourages you to: model favorite authors, revise for sentence variety and revise for impact These help with the simple revisions for style. Sections in the book help you to create similes, metaphors and a correct sentence structure.

Confined in her room another week, Doane prepares for another meeting with her critics. Revising again and again… to find yet another mistake. A vicious cycle of editing and sharing. Editing and sharing. Time after time again. After a year, less editing needs to be done. All metaphors and similes are woven throughout the book. All sentences run smoothly and all scenes make perfect sense. If you pay attention.

With each week the characters begin to develop. They gain their own colors. “To make characters live and breathe, writers must write ‘from the inside out’ to the ‘outside in’” (Lyon 19). Characters overcome problems throughout her book, adding more depth to their description. Making them seem more real with every twist and turn of an event.

Lyon says to not read to a group, but read in monotone to yourself as to not “perform” your writing (Lyon 8). Doane finds that reading to a critique group helps her catch more mistakes than she does alone. So, every method you try may not work for you, but it will work for someone. Trial and error. Find the one that works for you, the one that will help you more than frustrate you during the editing process.

How can you ask a writer about her experience with publishing a book if she is unpublished? Although Doane has queried to about half a dozen agents and a small publisher asked to see the first four chapters; she still remains unpublished, work not fully completed.

So I turned to two published writers to learn what the development stage of the creative process is when it comes to writers. Carolyn J. Rose is a fiction writer.

Here is what Rose had to say….

More tomorrow in Part II of III

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Ooligan: a small press perspective of publishing

The Pearl of Carol blog is giving away two copies of a mini-book, RETHINKING PAPER & INK regarding sustainability in publishing to celebrate the recent Write to Publish Conference sponsored by Ooligan Press. Mention ‘enter to win’ in your comments to participate. Drawing to be held at end of month.

Part One: The evolving marketplace of publishing, industry's move from credit for unsold books to cash refunds, emerging print-on-demand options, the increase in the number of self-published books.

Part Two: Authors abandoned from the big houses use their savvy to generate the small press movement, wholesalers and distributors keep small press—literary non-fiction on the shelves, the influence of the mega-booksellers and Amazon.

Part Three: this is the final installment of the three part series.

How do new authors break in?

Besides inspired writing, what do new authors need to break into publishing? “Five years ago I would have said you need $200,000 and eat very little for the first five years to afford the cost of returns, in fact, keep your day job,” recommended Dennis Stovall, professor of English and Coordinator of Publishing Curriculum at Portland State University. Stovall opened the recent Write to Publish Conference with a talk on the state of the publishing industry. Today he adds, “Create a kind of word of mouth, viral marketing that reaches more people than traditional media or book store browsing.” Many are finding Facebook fans, swooping in for Twitter followers, and connecting with LinkedIN to begin their outreach to a potential fan base. [The First Carol on Twitter].

Despite these social media opportunities, bookstores remain the best distribution outlet. Established authors dominate the chains, and it’s hard to find anyone willing to open small shops unless they are far away from the mega-sellers. Add to that the current lag in the economy which has roughed up the remaining marketplace as sellers jostle for share, and you have all bad news. Right? Not necessarily. “Eating each other up leaves opportunity,” comments Stovall, and opportunity, he suggests, may lie in places other than paper and ink. “Forty percent of every print run goes into recycle—that’s the average. That doesn’t happen with digital books.”

Watch what happens when bookstores order books they can’t sell:




Sales and reading

Dennis Stovall challenged assumptions we’ve been making over the last twenty about reading. “The National Endowment of the Arts did two major surveys concluding reading is at risk. You read that and you became demoralized. It appeared all we were reading were cookbooks and weight loss books. It’s been nothing like that.” he said, and stressed the studies ignored a critical aspect of reading, namely all the new ways the new generation is reading, and it’s not always the traditional canon of literature. “I have particular interest in what constitutes writing as art and writing as commerce. It’s shifting so fast. I see it in the papers that I grade, an enormous shift. You don’t go back you only go forward.” But go forward into what? “Where does the potential lie?” Stovall asked, then answered, “We don’t KNOW what is going to happen next. It (publishing) can be invented again now, not only in this country but world-wide. It is being reinvented and reinvented quickly.

“Non-fiction continues to sell better than anything else. The average life of a book sells 5,000 copies, non-fiction 7,500, poetry under a 1,000. Performance poetry, revival of an oral tradition is finding its way into print,” Stovall noted. “Something very few of us thought we’d see happen. Now that audience becomes potentially much larger than it ever was before.” To grow any audience it must be nurtured.

Opportunities to develop audience abound for those willing to speak and to teach with the realization they do not generate enormous sales, but rather incremental gains in audience. “Lose the gleam in your eye that says, ‘I’m going to sell a million books.’ The realistic view is that if you pursue correctly you may not be able to make a great living, but you may be able to develop a body of work that won’t go out of print in a digital world."

Stovall weighed in on the industry’s struggle with the pricing structure. “How do we price in this new model?” he asked. The marketplace is still deciding how much it will pay for a digital book.” Other sources indicate readers believe there is great savings when a book does not consume paper and ink, and they want that savings passed along not pocketed. But pricing the POD less than a printed book may not be the answer.

Small presses are discovering they are not making money on actual sales, but the associated ads on the web-site or on the events that come later. Again, speaking to your audience whether online or in-person is growing in significance while publishing encompasses smaller and smaller venues. “The short form is rising in popularity. Micro presses are doing short work and really short work. The best selling book in Japan was written on the I-phone for the I-phone.”


Mass vs. made-to-order printing

The print-on-demand machine looks like a large refrigerator, punch up the book you want, put in your credit card, and in 3-5 minutes you can hold a printed book completely bound with cover in your hands. It’s the ATM of books, making them more accessible, reviving books that are abandoned, no longer in print, or only available on library shelves. It can instantly put books where you want them when you want them, for example, an Espresso Book Machine at the trail head of a National Park spewing books on flora and fauna. You’re not likely to reach for that book anywhere else, but in that moment it has great value.

What are the advantages of breaking in with print on demand - one book at a time publishing? Digital short run printing is accomplished with liquid toners rather than powder and is rather economically produced. “We are a capitalist society, as the costs come down with new technology we’ll have a slightly more economic entry point.”

Currently, mass printing costs $1.50 per volume versus approximately $3 for print on demand. On the other hand, with POD you don’t have a distributor and a book store taking 10% and 40% along the way and the process produces little to no waste. “This gives you a more realistic view of what is actually selling, and offers what the small bookstores used to produce in our neighborhoods, a sense of community,” said Stovall, and he noted big players are entering the field. “Managing the digital process is being picked up by Amazon. They print, take their cut and send you your money. There’s no cost to store month to month.”

The Espresso Book Machine’s $100,000 price tag limits its mainstream access, but it is making inroads. Pocket Books who mass markets Paperbooks, is now promoting the Espresso Book Machine (EBM). Lightning Source Inc., an Ingram Content company announced EBM as a distribution channel to all publishers that work with the company. Stovall sees tremendous democracy in these actions, but admits machine owners still dictate content. “You’re going to see mix and match opportunities, enormous opportunities for both writers and publishers, but the problem for writers is they have taken the notion of self-publishing too far.”


Authors can’t do it all

All aspects of publishing cannot be tackled by a writer. “Editing it yourself is a mistake.” If you’re not a book designer you can’t know what others have studied earnestly to comprehend—visuals that sell. “Less than stellar projects do not create audiences, they get ignored, are not cataloged and are not bought,” Stovall said. In reality almost nothing is ready to go to press at the beginning. Writers need to remember their book is not done simply because they’ve completed their massive draft. “But books are being produced that have not been vetted in any way, and yet the more demanding the marketplace, the more it requires professionals.”

A manuscript is done when it’s received collaboration and received critical insight on whether the story is well told or not. Stovall presented publishers as the ideal filter. “Publishers always had a role of impresarios. We add value to what the author does by editing, packaging and still have that role, but if there are 560,000 books coming through the system, we need to mediate them so readers understand what ones have been well-developed. We don’t need to print all those books some are ephemeral,” but he quickly adds, “Better to have all of that and find among it the real gems.”

Literary Agencies along with publishers are another necessary mediator, “But if there is push for profit agencies may be driven out. We’ll see agents with a shifted role,” Stovall predicted, then lamented the lack of agent input, “Lulu has published the largest pool of bad poetry in the world.” He also noted a common query: grandparents with stories they told their kids. “Mushy stuff we should have kept to ourselves.”

Over and over again publishers read queries not appropriate to the press. “The onus is on the author to pay attention to what the press publishes and create a strong proposal.” Stovall advised. “Even a rough cut gem will get a serious reading, but direct yourself to the right publisher.”

To locate the correct publishing partner you need to first define your audience. Stovall offered several suggestions including, “Locate a magazine you know is read by the same people who would be interested in your book, and ask the magazine for their media kit, or look for their media kit online. It tells you the demographic of their audience and you now have the audience for your book.” He further added, “Go to Powell’s, imagine what shelf your book might be on, look at the shelf and check out the publishers.” A little research on those publishers can confirm whether they should be targeted. “Bet on that as an author and then you’ll get a hearing,” Stovall promised.

His final admonition critical to success. “When asked who would read your book, the worst thing you can say, ‘Anyone who likes a good read.’ You have to know who would read your book. You HAVE to know.”

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Enter to WIN. Ooo, Ooo, Ooligan Part I

I'm giving away two copies of an Ooligan Press mini-book, RETHINKING PAPER & INK regarding sustainability in publishing. Mention 'enter me to win' in the comments section to participate. Drawing to be held at end of month.


Dennis Stovall, Assistant Professor of English and Coordinator of Publishing Curriculum at Portland State University in Oregon, has too long a title. That was the only negative of the first hour and a half he spent with me (from my perspective). He met me at the Write to Publish Conference organized by Ooligan Press. I’d just finished checking in, signed my debit card receipt, noticed engineering student Flake had left the amount blank, thrust a finger in his chest and demanded, “Fill it in.” I’m exaggerating. I was nice, but he continued to mess up and processed incorrect card verification code which created a small stir when the box office had to track me down in the afternoon for ‘re-processing.’ I have no idea why everyone gets sidetracked when I appear.

Professor Stovall is a friendly guy, walked right up and asked if he could help us find our desired session. I hadn’t chosen anything—and thrown off guard by someone just as friendly as me—regarded him suspiciously. He smiled, we exchanged formalities, and once I figured out who he was (my friend Eliza whispered his department position and warned “Behave!”) I stated, “I’m following you!”

Hang out with the top guys I always say. I wagged my tail like a puppy and padded after Stovall to Classroom B.

“Are you a writer?” he asked.

“Not a real writer,” I sighed, then brightened, “Wait a minute, I am! I am published in a book. I’ve got a whole chapter, or at least part of one, can’t remember. It’s a book called Laughing Nine to Five: Humor in the Workplace.”

That’s when he brightened, “I designed that book.” We high-fived over the twenty people who had purchased it.

Now that I was elevated in his eyes, due to my collaborative published work, it was his turn to impress me. I took a seat, pulled out my laptop, quirked an eyebrow as fingers hovered over the keys. I was here to learn the business. Isn’t that what all the literary agents’ blogs stress, learn the business? Bring it on, baby, for six hours I’m a student of publishing.


Ooligan, a teaching press

Stovall’s perspective comes from a unique position: author, educator, publisher. He runs Portland State’s publishing program and press. It is unique in the world. Similar curriculum exist elsewhere, you can find it in four other schools, but other universities are not willing to turn everything over to the students. At PSU hierarchy is practically vanquished, students are colleagues of professors, and separation of classroom and press a mere nuance of proximity.

The PSU’s masters in publishing program produces a high level of participation and extraordinary student commitment, and despite budget cuts in all areas of education, this program is not suffering. It’s self-supporting. The grad students learn the art and craft of publishing by, well, publishing books! Book revenues underwrite a portion of their funding.

Ooligan Press is the general trade press where the students apprentice. They chose manuscripts carefully, and their 2008/2009 catalogue offers 21 titles featuring Pacific Northwest writers and works which honor the cultural and natural diversity of the region.

Part of my interest in Ooligan was their prior interest in me. A Willamette Writers encounter with a student holding pitch sessions resulted in a request for my first four chapters. At the time, I realized it wasn’t a good fit, but it felt good, and I lived on that encouragement for months. In retrospect, I can admit my query was about 10 months premature. Today, I’m a better writer, better educated, and better armed to do battle with publishing, and Stovall filled in the gaps.

He got right down to the stats.


Espresso Publishing

Last year 560,000 new titles were published in the United States, up from the year 2002 which only saw 120,000. “That enormous increase runs at a rate of 70 books an hour, but that doesn’t mean that all those books even ought to have been published,” Stovall said. The advent of very inexpensive self publishing, POD (print on demand), and espresso book machines have allowed authors to rush their work to the marketplace without thorough vetting via professional editing serivces. “For the first time, the addition of e-books and digital books surpassed traditionally printed books. If we don’t include stats on these forms of publishing we will be misled. The trajectory they point to, may give us the direction of the future.”


I’d never heard of a book vending machine, and I am fascinated by the notion. I can imagine The First Carol running a small, highly lucrative bookstore, small as in closet-sized, low rent, pushing buttons and popping out books by request. According to what I saw on You Tube, it’s within the realm of possibilities for the book seller, but really I’m more interested in writing.

What does self-publishing mean to an author? A money drain and no book review according to Dennis Stovall. “It’s estimated self-published writers can expect in the range of 10-20 copies sold during the life of their book.” That’s the total for all time, and for those twenty sold copies thousands of dollars are being spent to have that book in hand, but with no hope of a book review. “Nationally, we’re down to only a handful of professional reviewers,” Stovall said, “We don’t have enough to even look at them. Virtual marketing on Twitter and Facebook has assumed much of the role of the professionals, and today, the public is regarding the casual review of readers on Amazon, for example, more heavily than reviews of professional reviewers.”

Devote a career to learning the craft of reviewing literature only to be usurped by the overindulged, over net-worked, over-opinionated public. Hm, can't beat 'em join 'em? Just a thought.


Tax laws, back lists and the right of return

Not only has the system of reviewing morphed, but so has the entire system of publishing. A publisher’s back list used to represented their gold mine and how they sustained the press. But tax decisions of the late 60-70’s affected how manufacturers handled obsolete inventory. The new laws made publishers abandon much of their backlist; they couldn’t afford to keep it in inventory. Books now needed to sell quickly, warehousing was no longer affordable. Prior to these tax laws, a publisher could invest in an author with a long term view, banking on receiving a payback by the fifth or sixth book. Waiting to discover what the author would develop in six years was a time and expense luxury no longer affordable. Unsold books become remainders. Remainders ended up in discount outlets (which pay nothing to the author) and came to represent that the publisher had given up on the book.

The ‘right of return,’ in place since the great depression and originally intended to allow a smaller bookseller to try and find the correct mix of books for their store, allowed unsold inventory to be returned to the publisher for a credit. “You could try them out and send them back to that publisher if they didn’t sell,” Stovall stated. The publisher was only required to offer new books, not a cash refund.

That altered in the 70-80’s when superstores came to dominate. Publishers found themselves with returns coming in from huge corporations powerful enough to control the conditions. The big players dictated books could be returned at any time—no matter the condition—and still earn a full refund. In cash. Not a replacement.

Under the dominance of the big guys collegiality disappeared. Money woos and publishers fell under the spell of the mega-store influence. “As that shift took place we began to see publishers making accommodations to the new markets and no longer printing books that their marketing department did not agree with; they were overwhelming being driven by the marketing potential of a book.”

The industry, in great turmoil, cut loose a lot of authors...

• Will the mega stores continue to demolish collegiality in publishing?



• Will abandoned authors shake themselves loose of publishing or use their creativity to develop new strategies to stay in print?



• Will self-published authors ever learn the value of professional editing?



• Will The First Carol be courageous enough to re-pitch her manuscript to Ooligan Press?

Stay tuned. Dennis Stovall’s lecture and more from Ooligan’s Write to Publish conference continues throughout the week. Remember to note in comments your entry to win the free book.

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Saxophone lessons on life

It occurs to me occassionally, I should save my current manuscript-in-process on a jump drive. That thought flutters marginally prior to another fleeting butterfly, jump drive should be stored separate from laptop.

Loss of an expensive piece of equipment I could shrug off, in a teeth gnawing sort of way, but lose current manuscript? That would be cause for major eruption of emotion.

For the above reason, I sit in the cool, dimly lit interior of Ape Over Music while daughter receives her first saxophone lesson. Why saxophone? Good question. I have NO idea.

At age five I began piano lessons and continued through college. Somewhere in-between I took accordion lessons, and still love the blast of the bellows every few years or so, (whether anyone needs it or not). I tried to teach myself the recorder and the ukulele, and I’ll admit to picking up the guitar and the violin with intense longing, but no perseverance. My musical taste is quite eclectic. My talent is not.

Saxophone. Hm. Assembling fragments of ideas suggest my daughter was drawn to the saxophone because cute guys inhabit band. This idea scattered at the first concert. All the really cute guys are in the advanced class, including ‘The Magician,’ the blond boy everyone has a crush on, except my daughter.

I carefully download part one and part two of the current manuscript and store on the jump drive that's been bouncing around my laptop bag. I consider wearing the jump as jewelry, then pause and listen for the sound of the sax.

My daughter took piano lessons for a year and a half. No break. I usually took summers off. She wanted to keep going. Unfortunately, she hit the wall of burn-out, plunked the cover down on the piano keys, and took a year and a half off. Her desire to receive instruction from a different teacher has not met with success. I can’t find one!

Enter saxophone lessons. At first meeting the teacher, Mr. Gregorio, spent five minutes talking to me about the student who had just left, five more minutes on my kid’s school and their over emphasis on jazz. I blew out a breath and eyed my watch. A third of the lesson gone, I jostled check book, coffee and pen in an effort to move this forward. Check in hand, he showed no signs of slowing the chit chat, so I interjected a formal introduction to my daughter, and extracted myself to laptop-land.

I tap my fingers around the keyboard, piddle-play with words, moving sentence parts, piecing, re-threading. Five minutes before the predicted end of the lesson, I hear the sound of the sax. Hmm. I think we have a talker here. I hope we also have an avid listener.

My mother dropped me off for umpteen-thousand lessons. Shelled out cash for good teachers, one bad-smelling, but well dressed old lady, and a few exceptional professors who drove me toward muddy goals. First stop for me was to look pretty playing the piano, just like mom. Next stop: to play better than my sister. Third: to play better than anyone I knew. That worked well until higher education. Some of my co-keyboardists make a living at performing, composing and recording. They were tough competitors. (The First Carol waves at Michael and Jim).

The guys behind the counter serenade my keyboard tepid clicks with a mix-tape from a friend’s band. It wafts over gently tugging and pulling out feathers of feelings and mixed images.

Music-and-men. In my twenties, I chased many musical crushes and thankfully never landed one. Artists should be admired not married. I spent a long summer on the road as a singer in a group. That grueling experience insured I would never be lured by a career in the music entertainment industry. Not everyone is nice climbing a career. It’s not the glamour we fantasize. You can get really sick of restaurant food when that’s the only choice you have.

The coffee is not kicking in, and Moonrat’s challenge to write your @$$ off is drowned in reminiscing instead of productive effort. Sigh.

The lesson continued past the allotted half hour, sneaking up on the hour. Quality sound intermixed with sophomoric pulses burst past the less than sound-proof teaching rooms. Teacher and student emerged. Triumphant. Smiles. New plan.

“Your daughter will progress quickly,” Mr. Gregorio, predicts, and I notice his right eye waters and appears cloudy. “I’ll help her skip a year and advance to the next level.”

Ahhh, I comprehend. Skip forward and sit next to those cute guys in advanced band. So, that was the push for saxophone lessons.

It’s not always easy to be a parent, but sometimes it’s kinda fun, like playing a grand detective game, and I think I may have figured this one out.

So what's your gig: musician, misplacer of valuable assests, detective, or prying parent?

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How an Asian runs his business: focused

Reading a book out loud twelve minutes at a time equals a year in the life of an editing author. We're at Chapter 10 (out of thirty, give or take a prologue, an epilogue). Lee fires one of his young brokers, it’s as bad as any expected. He has high standards and he’s not nice when an employee doesn’t measure up. Kerri Ann, of course, believes it has something to do a brief exchange she had with the young man at the office during Lee's Saturday training.

There’s some mayhem at the house when she wakes in the middle of the night and doesn’t realize a couple of cousins are still hanging out, and she wanders into his dark den with a t-shirt that doesn’t quite cover, well, her behind. It all leads to argument and a slight to Lee’s Korean culture, not nice, but embarrassment sends down strange roads. And that’s not the end of the arguments.

“He didn’t hear me come in. The overhead was off, but the den's desk lamp illuminated the white paper he held. I positioned my thumb and forefinger in an ‘O’ and snapped the paper to break his concentration. He startled, looked over at the hemline of my tee not even hitting the tops of my legs. His mouth opened, but no sound came out. I’d never had that reaction before and thought this might be interesting. I decided to give him the rest of the view. I slithered my bare butt up on his desk, started to cozy my feet over his thighs, rolled my arms in the bottom of the tee and began to pull it off.” (A Single Pearl, Chapter 10).

I had little straggly things to fix in this chapter, bit of massaging to get it ‘right,’ keep the characters true. All better now. Here’s how my writing partners logged in…

Lisa: +good description of firing day with Lee; +great office scene with Lee and Kerri Ann; -she is very forgiving if she’s has a big blowout and then goes to the office scene; -‘you’re not coming out here like that, he asked’ seemed more like a statement. Why does she have to wear hanbok? Chap 11: ‘chains of rules with no jewels, don’t understand what that means (?).

Melanie: +your job is to hostess; ++love this scene; -lips practically petrified doesn’t fit; + of course they had to honk; + trembling into nervous apologies; + name tag announcing secretary; + description of office; + ‘who sold house?’like her reaction; + hate JOHN, what a rat.

Pam: +‘death march to the door,’ + I like this part - again! + My, KA is getting spunky! ‘Freckles…followed.’ I’m getting a kick out of the way John belittles KA. +My, KA is getting spunky! +“Freckles…followed.” I’m getting a kick out of the way John belittles KA.

Peggy: +Love Kerri Ann’s defiance and that she stood firm in how she felt; + the receipt J; + the scene with uncle and cousin wonderful details with the t-shirt; + ‘freedom from the hanbok;’ Lee’s response to her the next AM (exhibitionist comment) Does she need to use John’s name so much? Can you replace his name with him/his/he? +‘like acid over his big desk,’ ‘placid lake,’ nice similes.

Edits: I hate re-reading the scenes with John, he can be almost evil. That said, I overwrite him and have to edit half the scene whenever he and KA tussle. He has a side, we just don’t know it…YET!

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Hurt follows her home

Editing on the book continues. The funeral finalizes Kerri Ann's old life but sadness seeps into her new. Feedback from the critique group helped crystallize fine points of the manuscript.

The hurt dredged up in Montana followed me home. I tumbled through emotions I didn’t want to touch, my dad had had my phone number, must have known I was married and never called.

Un-congratulations.

In California Lee’s family didn’t call, not a word—not that they would, I didn’t speak Korean—but not even a card rattled through my hollow heart. I drifted in depression, slept a lot. Lee tried to coax me out, find the old Kerri Ann. “When you’re ready to talk, I want to listen,” he sprinkled through his conversations, but I didn’t want to talk. I wanted to sleep. (A Single Pearl, Chapter 9).

Icons: plus sign ‘+’ to denote good, minus ‘-’ not, and a ‘?’ for obvious.

Lisa: +hurt dredged up followed me home; +seaweed soup every b-day! -‘nice’ shirt, how did he smell? What music did they dance to? +Pride lake; why is she doing these building maps, why interest to her?

Melanie: why was she so depressed? +box with mom in it; ++ gag-ables; +good picture of two women fighting over picture; ‘Guess who’s pregnant?’ I want to see his response; +interesting about the map; +real estate license.

Pam: +all things mom had touched; -confused about ‘things from my childhood,’ expected it to be a doll, maybe things I remember from my childhood? +Love your ‘gag-ables,’ +Lee is getting better! I’m glad he is ‘struggling to say something, a new side to him. Okay, now I don’t like him again, you’re keeping us on a roller coaster. I really like that she is being pro-active about her education.

Edits: KA makes a map, I re-organized it so she maps the buildings Lee owns first; the mapping thing will pop up again in Part 2 so it needs to flow with character development. I felt ecstatic to hear Pam say she rode on a roller coaster in regards to liking/not liking Lee. He’s not an easy man and less easy to understand. As soon as you think you’ve got him figured out a new aspect of his character emerges. There’ll be more of that.

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Death knocks at door, who’s answering?

Reading chapter eight (our critique group reads 12 minutes out loud each week) was a riveting experience. The quiet in the room reflected the turmoil of the relationships that were exposed in this chapter. It was all a bit unsettling. When I finished I knew rhe book was moving the right direction.

“Your dad was sick of being sick,” Sherrine sighed, and switched on the wipers. “He had a persistent cold, couldn’t get over it, lasted for months, his stomach hurt from constant coughing. I’d stopped by to give him your new phone number and found his car broke down, so I drove him to his appointments. It was better if someone went with him, to help with prescriptions.” She paused, but I remained silent. “I was there when he got the diagnosis. They told him he was dying, he spoke your mom's name, your name, and he broke down.”

I leaned my cheek against the cold window of the truck, the movement of the vehicle rattled me and stirred up old murk. “I wish I could have been more, or at least better then I was,” I murmured into the glass. “He needed something, I never figured it out.” I rubbed away the fog from my breath. “You did everything, didn’t you—transportation, every blessed errand, probably paid the doctor. I know you.” (A Single Pearl, Chapter 8).

Icons: plus sign ‘+’ to denote good, minus ‘-’ not, and a ‘?’ for obvious.

Lisa: +molded official credit card; +description of Sherrine; +green truck, familiar; +like the familiar comfort. ”A friend from this wretched place?” +The Asian child; +bathroom pink comfort; smell of hospice building?, move up in the scene so we encounter it sooner. +Like the “last” scene with father (before college); +good description of father.

Melanie: +First time seeing new name. Why not talk about children? Need inner thought. +”Enough’ I was only one who laughed. Change order of scene at Chloe’s. +Good scene in car. +Throwing money all over. +Hate you – whewie.

Pam: How did she feel about her dad dying – obviously not very bad. Did it bring up any unsettled emotions? (Ok, you answer it later). +Pocked over gravel; +nice senses of smell. +So true about alcoholism—well described. +”Old murk.” +Very good details of her past and her anger.

Peggy: +Description. +”Warmed the glacier in me…” She signaled? (icon); I like how she (Kerri Ann) went to visit her ‘home’(town)--> lots of great details of her history and backstory. :-) +Why anyone would want to follow the card/recipe when it’s easier from a can! (:-) I can relate!). “That old man,” would “my old man” be better? Ok. +Nice imagery of father in bed. – Don’t’ relay need to say that she “said goodbye,” you include the details of her doing it…

Surprise! Meet your new Korean family, or Ack! What did she get herself into?

Okay, if you’re not reading the book you don’t know there was a proposal between the last post and this one. Kerri Ann has followed Lee to California and see’s the house he’s chosen for them, he gives her a list of repairs and renovations needed on the bungalow, hands her a household budget to follow, and ignores her questions about the closest college. He’s got a plan for life, and at the moment that doesn’t include her doing anything except taking care of the home front so he can concentrate on building his real estate business, nor does it include introducing her to his parents before the wedding.

“Would you like a job?” he asked.

“You bet, when do I start?” I replied excited.

“Right now. Your job is the house. We need everything: living room furniture, table, pots, pans, dishes, linens, maybe new drapes.”

I glanced at the sun-blotched cloth hanging to the sides of the den window, approached them and tried to hide my disappointment, I thought he had a place for me in his business. I gazed out the window at the sliver of backyard and fingered the frayed cloth. I heard Chloe’s mom whisper, ‘Do a good job where you are, and good things will happen.’ “Okay, you got it. What’s the parameters?”

“What are the parameters,” he corrected softly.

I heard and understood. The man who spoke English as a second language had better grammar than the English major. (A Single Pearl, Chapter 6).

Here's your chance to be part of the book. I need a color for the drapes. Any suggestions?

Lisa: +stifling house; -concise, clear handwriting (don’t need next reference); +leases (what do you like to read?); +Chloe’s mom whispered; Yikes, Lee seems controlling. Chap 7 I think Chloe would have a different response to marriage; +Lee’s mother’s response; What was finger gesture?; +soap opera and the whole family in Korean; +volunteer at elementary school; +it wouldn’t be cooking (for fun) + can’t wait…

Melanie: +Good tension—parents not coming to wedding; +Like to read leases (character development); +Tension—he wouldn’t tell her where college—not good. +Love the mother’s wailing. +Gifts a payoff. +Embarrass about no ring for Lee. It wouldn’t be cooking. Call between Chloe and Kerri Ann.

Pam: What sports car—make? Ah!! Corvette-nice. Within budget? What is the budget? ! I’m beginning to have second thoughts about Lee—. +”Eyes disappeared into a grin.” Ch 7 +Pretty dress!! (In my mind). +Kind of like the dad, +interesting mom, +great visual of parents’ house. +And I like the cleaning of their own house for the new beginning. Why would tuition be out-of-state?

Peggy: +Staring at her shoes…has reader wondering and then realize it’s the song :-), The whole shoe thing’s cute. +He quirked an eyebrow…”No.” Sorry I missed so much :-( Send it to me, please!

EDITS: Sometimes you know what happens, but you don’t always have the right characters handling the action or spelling out the dialogue. In one instance, I changed the speaker to make better sense within the lines of characters already drawn. Melanie also steered me over the bump of the entire reveal of meeting the parents happening during a phone conversation between Kerri Ann and her friend Chloe. Mel wanted to see the drive over to Lee’s parents house and the scene blossomed.

The feedback makes mention of a song Kerri Ann listens to. In real life I was cleaning the kitchen and listening to 89.10 FM and heard this clever tune by Fats Waller. It wrote itself naturally into the manuscript, outlining the tight financial situation KA had at college, and brought in an exchange between Lee and KA that answers the question: why he is so driven to make money? You won’t get any answers from the YouTube tune, but it's still fun.

Since beginning Pam has been questioning if Lee was too good to be true, this chapter was her first cloud of doubt. The teeter-tooter continues through chapter after chapter. She likes him, she hates him. If I’ve done my job right she’ll feel about him the same way I do at the end. Looking forward to finding out that outcome!

Okay, now help me -- what color are those drapes?

"I love you," so where do we go from here?

Scene: Despite their geographical distances, Chapter 6 escalates the relationship between Lee and Kerri Ann. It's obvious he hasn't stopped thinking about her, and they stay in contact daily.

I tried not to live in my imagination too much, but Lee was the last thing I thought of when I placed my head on the pillow, and my first thought when I woke, mostly because that’s when he called. He even paid my phone bill once, but I sent back the check and told him it would really cost him if he stopped calling, I simply watched the clock aware of what I could afford.

We chatted, regular routine, then something changed in his voice, he started asking about numbers, odd things, wanted to confirm my building number, my dorm room number.

“What are you doing?” he chuckled.

“Sitting here talking to you.” I flipped a blue pen through my fingers. “What’s funny?”

“Walk outside,” he said. (A Single Pearl, Chapter 6).

Lisa: +like him in the outside scene; inched forward?; +I like how.. <--can’t remember what damn! +He loved being bossy; +never tell me about that girl again; +I want you so I can work, live…

Melanie: +You’re for real (suggest she say it into the phone?). What was his reaction when she said, “I miss you.” Why was she furious he said I love you? +Chloe’s question: did he ask about you? Ring – suggest just a smidgen of thought about gift, +never tell me about that girl again.

Pam: Love the image of the geek’s limbs (Lurker). Name of the restaurant? I don’t think, “I miss you,” sounds needy? She couldn’t have said it first—she doesn’t have Lee’s confidence. +Like your details about and on the Space Needle. ++Organic, evolving Seattle. Why doesn’t she tell Chloe she loved him? +”Trout out of a Montana stream.” He doesn’t seem…(Pam crossed something out here) to me.

Peggy: +Great details, felt there; ++Imagery. +Like how Lee came to visit her at college. –Lost me a little in the business details, how much is necessary? +Like the descriptions of Seattle. +Fish “not Lee’s style.” +Conversation with Chloe, Oh, but would Chloe really move in with someone with whom she truly didn’t know his name? Other than “Lurker?”

EDITS:
This was the first time Lee tells Kerri Ann he loves her, it takes place in the Emerald City (Seattle) and happens in a surprising way. She is taken off guard and has to decide fast how to accept his declaration. Some quick fixes to the chapter, nothing major, but the most minor ones add finesse and ideas came from Mel to plump the scene. Peggy got bored with Lee talking about his business; it may be interesting to note the next time he gives a big talk about his business Peggy got bored with that, too! My response? How interesting can guys be when they talk about their careers? (or sports). And to answer the question: would Chloe really move in with someone who’s first name she doesn’t know, only his nickname? Yes, she acts first, thinks later. Listen to how she talks! Well, I guess you'll have to get the book to really 'hear' how she talks.

Yeah, um, that’s not how a guy talks

Scene: The pearl is introduced, it appears as a gift from Lee to Kerri Ann,a little first aid for the soul. She is surprised by her reaction to it, she accepts it, and also accepts the budding relationship with Lee.

He looked over and stared at me thoughtfully. He set the paper flat, flicked his thumb through the pages and smiled. “I was coming for a swim, looking for an open chair to throw my towel, first one I noticed was next to you...
(A Single Pearl, Chapter 5).

Lisa: +Sweet gift reason; +like the necklace application and the goodnight at the door; +Sandy was used to cleaning up after us; -Phrase: what does that matter - doesn’t work; + I like what is being revealed in Lee; +like the food, rice papaya. -Lee’s language a little too flowery when he describes first encounter with Kerrie Ann.

Melanie: +runs finger under silver necklace; +gift feels bad after Chloe; +enunciated each word; Buddha, Mary etc. ? +Ask for what you want; -just a little too flowery for Lee’s description

Pam: Very good/telling scene with Chloe, et al. How could she pack that fast? I want to see why Lee likes Kerri Ann. Oh, good! Now I know why Lee is attracted to her!

Peggy: +Wonderful end to Chapter 5. Would like to hear/see more with the kiss (just after he gave her the pearl necklace). +Like the connection with the necklace! The Single Pearl J Wonderful! +Great that Lee defends her with Chloe. +Wonderful dialogue with Chloe and their friends. +Good details with Lee, “hands entwined,” etc. Would a guy be that thorough with the details? Or is that his personality? Chloe called it quits”?

EDITS: Okay, every one was of the same mind, Lee was just a little too girly when he described the first time he encountered Kerri Ann. Edit, edit, edit. Here’s what I was trying to accomplish: when writing in first person it’s hard to develop a concept of what the character looks like, someone has to describe them, best person on this list had to be Lee, and I wrote Kerri Ann they way I saw her, BUT NOT HOW A GUY WOULD. Erase, fix. I also took out a reference to Budha. Erase.

Visit by the teacher, no holds barred critique, crawling off to lick wounds

We met at Lisa’s house this week, Pam’s off on a trip, Alaskan Cruise. Lisa extended an invitation to Carolyn Rose, our professor from Novel Writing Boot Camp. Carolyn made us shake in our boots as she showed us all up, deftly handling gut wrenching critiques of our work, far deeper than we’d been venturing, and made us wonder if we’d been too easy on each other.

White wave ruffles floated on top of spinning water, came in close, collapsed, receded, repeated. We trudged through the dry sand, and as we got close to the waves I slipped off my sandals. “Please don’t buy me gifts,” I started, sentences coming out ruptured, held together with sighs. “I don’t like them. I know that sounds dumb, but they have never meant good things to me.” I realized that explanation would not be enough, and I didn’t want to be badgered. “Give me a minute,” I whispered, and shivered even though the sun was hot. I gathered my thoughts as waves tumbled.
(A Single Pearl, Chapter Four).

Scene: Lee’s first attempt to buy Kerri Ann a gift, her violent reaction, introduces their polar experiences: family life, finances. His persistence to know about her prior relationship, and the reveal of how things ended with Gary.

Lisa: I feel she should suggest going to the beach. I like the gift explanation. I like that she was industrious/independent when young. I like the sunglasses (protection). The intro of the Gary story was awkward. I’m not sure ‘sounds like you’re falling in love’ fits. I like gift to herself.

Melanie: + She didn’t let him buy gift, but I wanted to know why earlier. ++Back story of work she did. I’m confused as to when she found out about Gary. + ‘Accept a gift to me from me.’

Sallee: + ‘artificial apologies’ good sentence; + ‘no gifts…friends are important to me;’ interesting story about Gary, ‘filter from the scrutiny’ (good),. -Need more sexual tension description, -more emotion, feelings, reaction, -need deeper descriptions.

Carolyn: What are Kerri Ann’s thoughts and visceral reaction about the pearl? - 'water cylinders,' sounds like tanks of water. +Great backstory about father’s drinking. More reaction, given what he asks about gifts (he’s so weird), does she think he can understand? What’s her reaction when he says, ‘you need to accept a gift’? Reaction to his talk of finance. What are his inane questions, give us some conflict. Do the girls know the truth about Gary? Give us more of the basis of Lee’s and Kerri Ann’s attraction beyond the physical, make us see and feel the chemistry. Why is Chloe adamant Kerri Ann not be with Lee, what’s Kerri’s reaction, what’s Chloe’s objection, dialogue? Explore giving herself a gift, what about this trip! Other gifts. Are you spending too much time in Hawaii? Can you shorten it, it could outweigh the rest of the book.

EDITS: Almost too many to mention after Carolyn’s dogged pursuit of perfecting writing among her students. Oh, and it stings she thought Lee was weird, but of course she’s coming in mid-stream, we’re already on chapter five for heaven’s sake, and she’s missed the best, near perfect portion of my writing, this was just a minor hiccup. And not to add insult to injury, but Carolyn organized a seminar with Elizabeth Lyon immediately following our meeting. Okay, enough of that rant, at least she doesn’t think we’re hopeless, obviously believes were trainable, and yes, I’ll admit it, I reaped the benefit of her advice, Lee actually asks his questions that had earlier only been dimly referenced:

“Were you very close?” Lee asked.
“We knew each other about a year, we were good friends.”
“You were more than acquaintances, then.”
“I just said we were friends.”
“Close enough to be…at risk?”
“What do you mean?”
He stared at me.
“Do you mean intimate?” I asked.

The thought process Carolyn started sent me back to Kerri Ann, and got me in her head. She now reflects why she finds Lee attractive, dependable-reliable, which gave me references to draw on for other head-discussions she has further on in the book, and of course his reliable-routine will unsettle her in the future, nothing unexpected, then naturally he’ll do things very unexpected.

REFLECTION: At each turn, the writer decides what they will alter to please others weighed against what they believe, know and what no one else sees coming--dang it all, sometimes you just have to let go of some of the feedback. The reviewer comes with their prejudices and shouldn’t sway the author when their course encourages a slide down a muddy hill. I slipped a bit. You’ll just have to crawl back up, put on clean clothes and a clean tableau on the laptop. Doesn’t this picture look like a water cylinder? “White wave ruffles floated on top of cylinders of water….” Tanks of water?' I mean really, grumble, grumble. How would you explain it? No really, I'm asking, describe it.

I need coffee, then I'll think about revising…again

“Are you changing the subject?” I asked exasperated.

“Am I?”

“Do you always answer a question with a question?”

“Why?”

I laughed not knowing what else to do, and realized how much I didn’t know about this man, and wondered why it didn’t worry me. (A Single Pearl, Chapter Three).

Scene : Lee and Kerri Ann go eye-shopping in Hawaii. At coffee she shares tid-bits about island history that cover California Longhorns to Captain George Vancouver, and in-between they rush through blaming white people for taking over the islands, differ on the death penalty, and we discover Lee’s distaste for women using bad language. After a stroll they slip into an ‘interesting shop’ (to quote the manuscript prior to edits).

Late one afternoon we stumbled onto a narrow street with small shops pulsing with international undercurrents and sweltering activity. We walked into every one. The last one was a pearl shop. I knew better than to go into a jewelry store with a date. That was a sure fire way to send a man packing. I kept moving, Lee stopped, and I teetered bound by his hand.

“Missed one,” he said, and he coaxed me inside.

Ions: plus sign ‘+’ to denote good, minus ‘-’ not, and a ‘?’ for obvious.

Lisa: I like that Kerri Ann read out of a book to him, ‘tropical temperature…’ like that she wanted public transport, like the jewelry store.

Melanie: good about Montana milk-toast culture. +Bus great, good description of jewelry, stepping on foot.

Pam: good banter between the two characters, cleaver humor, ‘interesting shops’ how?

EDITS: This whole section got a complete overhaul before bringing to the group: roughed out, flushed out, enhanced, expanded then honed down, repeat the cycle. I uncovered Kerri Ann’s love for ‘tid-bits,’ little pieces of information about places and things, and her fascination of powerful women. It introduces Vancouver, Washington, which will appear later in the book.

Don't all great dates start in a bar?

Scene: The bar, introduces Lee’s friends and their intriguing quirks and Lee's fascination with Kerri Ann.

He reached into his shirt pocket, pulled something small out, and said to me, low voice humming, “I have something for you.” He opened his palm and rolled a tube over revealing a travel size first aid cream. “Your arm,” he requested.

Fear flashed through me. It was pretty dark in that bar, and the music blared, but we were still in public and my tiny, sunburned arms were way too skinny to be the center of anyone’s attention, let alone this beautiful man’s. I hesitated.
“Give him your arm!” John shouted.
“Prescription from the vacation doctor,” Sandy approved.
“Permission to have fun,” Todd nodded.
Chloe scowled. (A Single Pearl, Chapter Two).

Icons: plus sign ‘+’ to denote good, minus ‘-’ not, and a ‘?’ for obvious.

Lisa: + Todd/eyeglasses; like Lee and Kerri Ann’s moment alone at table, Why did friends come back to the table? Took a little long. + Tongue across lips. Like the dance floor experience, her exit from the bar. “Self-preservation“ has me wondering. ‘What are you thinking?’ ‘Sorry, 7th grade Billy…’ Transition from going to sleep to friends in room rough.

Melanie: +Todd; +she smiled into glass, +when Lee said, ‘Relax.’ -Walk you home--wouldn‘t she be a little nervous about him walking her home? ++Seventh grade Billy. More inner thought during prejudice scene.

Pam: I like hearing her thoughts about Lee -- he is soooo dreamy…I think. Your writing is very distinct and has clear voice. I have question about green and dust, pine and needles. ‘Blessed,’ maybe take one out (?) ‘cooling cream’ might be enough. Chloe: is there any indication she is prejudiced prior to this?

EDITS: a little more tipsy tumble when Kerri Ann’s friends return to the room from the bar, wove in a hint in prior part of chapter about Chloe’s taste in men, ‘blonder the better,’ helped ready the reader for her reaction to a friend dating an Asian, deleted a mini-scene in the bar-friends running back and forth from the dance floor, per Lisa’s suggestion, tightened the scene up better.

PRIOR EDITS: Earlier, I took out they found their Hawaii hotel on the internet, an obvious ploy to ground the reader in the present, but it didn’t add anything of merit. Also, at one point Kerri Ann listened to country western music on an ipod; that also hit the recycling bin, along with a song she warbled in Part II, ‘Oh, Lee-lee, you owe me a Car-car.” Gads, you have no idea how much this has improved, lucky for you. Me? I’ve had all the hard work after the hard knocks.

Off the deep end, into the novel

My chapters are too long to finish in one class. When we started meeting in Pam’s condo I was the timekeeper, the stopwatch operator when I remember to turn it on!). I unabashedly snuck in a few extra seconds (I lie, it was extra minutes) for myself. I thought for sure everyone noticed, several subtle inquiries later, I remained devoid of any disclosures from classmates that they were aware of my deceit. When I finally completely confessed to Mel, at a pre-read, which advanced me further and faster with her focused attention and recommendations, she said with all sincerity, “I had no idea.” Now, was she just being polite? Who cares? I got away with it! I plan to name a character after Mel -- the one who gives good advice, Kerri Ann’s counselor, this will be tribute to Mel’s deft hand at breathing life into a dull scene, and that ever clever brush of humor that adds the color to the sunset of a scene. But the counselor is in Part II, and we shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves…and we have to keep an eye on the girls, they’re going out drinking.

Scene: Chloe, Sandy and Kerri Ann go out to dinner, savor a sunset drink by the pool, then with their 'tipsy' on get their nerve up to hunt handsome men in the bar.

“What are you looking at?” Chloe asked and pulled away from my shoulder. "Oh. Not what…who.”
I felt her nudge Sandy.
I pick him,” I said.
Then it happened. The Korean motioned us over.
“Do you already know him?” Chloe asked surprised.
“No,” I whispered. “But I want to.” (A Single Pearl, Chapter One).

Icons: plus sign ‘+’ to denote good, minus ‘-’ not, and a ‘?’ for obvious.

Ginger: like the beer dialogue, fun. Kissing talk, move on. Really enjoy the girls night out, very fun and believable. Great end to the chapter. Neat ‘Lee Lee.’

Kelly: +scrubbed fresh and lightly fragranced,’ description of matching old couples, girl talk--good humor, good end of chapter.

Lisa: why/how did she happen upon him at gift shop? I like idea of stealing book from old man. +“…because I wanted it…” reference to kiss. Sandy’s used to clean up -- good showing of her character, + gate closing and locking into place.

Melanie: + sandals and socks, tuition comment, all three sighed at 7th grade kiss, good description of cold on sunburned arms, Sandy--clean up after.

Pam: + ‘doors of…flew open,‘ wonderful light touches of humor, heir nymph--good play on words. I liked the part about ‘doing things in the dark’ -- especially since readers know about her being naked in front of her hubby’s family in the future. Great chapter ending sentence.

Peggy: +nice details (like: ‘my eyes not fully adjusted’). I love how you bring up deep thoughts in a humorous way! (i.e., kissing…etc.). Great interactions with friends, fun! Keeps us reading. ‘Felt awkward and shy’ ß could use different words to show better. Joke about Lee’s name.

Sallee: great description of envy/jealousy. I’m not sure where this is headed, or what they want. Is this a romance novel? Emphasis on plot. More about her depression last chance to see friends? Goal to get away from the doldrums? Added a sentence to help contribute to the sense of Kerri Ann’s depression

EDITS: and how the trip to Hawaii played into her escape; after several edits (it feels more attune to hundreds), reworked the entire ‘meeting scene,’ threw half out and honed it down to a sweeter, simple essence.

What never changed is that after meeting Kerri Ann, Lee dove off the deep end -- of the pool. An obvious metaphor, but so fun, and she’ll remind of us that in the Epilogue, and why she concludes he wasn’t as cool, calm and in control as he seemed to appear at the moment.

Start at the beginning, one, two, three

Meet the players in Chapter one: Sandy and Chloe, seniors at the University of Washington, plan a spring break trip to Hawaii and convince Kerri Ann, their sophomore friend, to tag along:

I’d thought about the trip for quite awhile before committing. They’d been afraid I wouldn’t have enough money to come. I did. I saved earnestly, always had, and prided myself on squeezing every drop of value out of money, that way you didn’t need too much of it. Currently, my stash nested inside books on the board and cement block shelf in my U-Dub dorm room. (A Single Pearl, Chapter One)

Scene: Kerri Ann and Lee meet in Hawaii for the first time by the hotel's pool.

Icons: plus sign ‘+’ to denote good, minus ‘-’ not, and a ‘?’ for obvious.

Ginger: +pool explanation, +goose white skin, +hairy chests, -sunglasses, how could she see his eyes if he wore sunglasses? +like the first meeting, +off with her ends, +hair description…nice dude, +great dialogue.

Jade: +good describing the smells, ‘slowly re-threaded,’ +nice slowly describing the man, ++good description on the eyes.

Kelly: +description of pool scene, cab scene, good inner thought.

Lisa: +good description of poolside and ocean, ‘Pleasure or wickedness’ Wickedness doesn’t feel like right word, +‘North or South,’ +good description of his eyes, +‘off with their ends,’ -would like more fore-shadowing of depression if possible, +like her discomfort of joining Chloe’s family.

Melanie: +deep end position thoughts, goose white skin, loved ‘open and unending,’ used word ‘tracked’ twice when looking at the man holding sunscreen, + ‘North or south, haha, +great twist that the owner of sunscreen not girlfriend. Depression? Maybe sooner?

Pam: +nice opening for Chapter, setting the scene by the pool, et al. +Your details are good, brings image to reader, +skilled writing, interesting story. +Good banter between the two characters. ? ‘over and over on into infinity’ take out ‘on.’ +’off with their ends,’ good allusion to Alice…

Peggy: +great details especially at beginning, +’lungs’ etc, grounded character, ‘flesh stuck to seats’ and smell of sweat… ?Sweat stung her eye…’ can you add emotion/feelings of her surroundings more before going to the reception area? +‘Falling into his eyes…’ etc. +great job capturing her emotion and feelings, “series of mirrors,’ great metaphor/similes throughout. Great description of Chloe ß fun uses of language.

Sallee: + ‘admiration from the hairy-chested…cabby’s body odor…drop of perspiration…the pool awaits…goose-white skin. Great description of envy/jealousy, more great descriptions and imagery! -I’m not sure where this is headed, or what they want. Is this a romance novel? Emphasis on plot. More about her depression, last chance to see friends? Goal to get away from doldrums?

EDITS: Okay, enough positive feedback to lock into the good stuff and throw out the other. One thousand rewrites cracked the scene down to half to one-quarter of original. I knew why all the characters were where they were, hadn’t quite captured it fully on paper, needed to lead reader more into Kerri Ann’s state of mind, she’s depressed, end of an unsuccessful infatuation, primed for the next love struck moment of her life, and this guy has no idea the tiger he will grab by the tail when he falls for her and he discovers what she’s like when she’s not depressed, and the goose white flesh hit the cutting room floor, Lisa wasn’t sure they would brag that way about themselves.

I chose that spot, near the deep end,
even though it didn’t have enough shade. Strategic, away from the pool steps, away from the parade of flirts who roamed in and out of the water and the echoes of admiration of the hairy-chested who ran after them. I needed peace. (A Single Pearl, Chapter One).

Writing Boot Camp, crap we have to read out loud!

I did not start at the beginning of the book, but rather a chapter I was working on at the time. It gets re-read when it pops up again during our die-hard meetings, and it caused some frustration to me as Lisa, who caught my characters not being true to character, again caught me on the second go-round where I still lacked skill. Soooo not fair. That’s writing -- wanting to argue with the reviewers, but once sensible, really want the work to improve, stomp home frustrated, yet determined, turn on the computer and edit.

Scene: Lee has invited his cousins over for the evening and has asked Kerri Ann to go to the liquor store for him, a task she detests, her passive aggressive response spirals out of control and ends in disaster...for her.

The last thing I wanted was a bunch of drunks in my house, of any nationality, but I stocked up. Three to four brands of scotch, whiskey, bourbon, rum, vodka, gin, singles of brandy, cognac, kahlua, tequila and some other crap that was on sale. Enough to open my own bar, didn’t want to have to make that trip for another ten years. I lined up the bottles on the dining table and they covered every inch.

“Jesus,” Lee said, when he walked in the back door, “I didn’t invite the whole country.” (A Single Pearl, Chapter 10)

We used the plus sign ‘+’ abbreviation to denote what we liked, minus ‘-’ did not, ‘?’ for obvious, and I used a dot when I wanted something I wasn’t getting, but it wasn’t bad enough for a minus.

Ginger: +like the storyline, ‘bow at the Lee alter,’ people’s reaction she is not Korean, -confusing at the end of chapter and start of next.

Jade: + ‘his mouth opened but no sound came out,’ and a ‘second shot of electricity sizzled.’

Kelly: great conflict, +‘…until I realized I should, maybe, breathe…’

Lisa: ++good description, funny; good verbs, ?hanbok? What is it, explain. If they’re married and she’s naked after the fiasco, well, something more happens in the bedroom. Tighten up the description of her thoughts about John talking about father.

Melanie: ++love the voice, humor, emotion, tension.

Pam: I assume there is a reason he is Korean? Your dialogue is very telling of the characters. The whole series of action: the cousin yelped, the door slammed, etc. I loved that! It sounds like Lee isn’t all that mad, more fascinated with her. Is Lee his first name? Didn’t you say “Jason Lee” at one point? Probably not. Good visual details and I like your character’s thoughts.

Peggy: +great emotion, gut wrenching. +great description of characters. -May want to add when she left the liquor store and was home, ground the character a bit more there. +everywhere else was good, just make sure reader knows where she is. +nameplates--great description here, +office description, +pressure with handshake J , like her thoughts during John‘s rambling.

Sallee: +good résumé description, t-shirt, bare-bottom (good descriptions), -need more scenery, surrounds, embarrassment goes on too long (?), -confusing as to where we are, +'cute sandal to cute sandal' (good!), + good description of office (old world), more action and conflict, good inner thoughts.

EDITS: I felt when the reader receives the information about the backdrop prior to this scene, what the class felt was missing might feel less so. Am I right? You’ll have to skip ahead to where critique of Chapter 10 occurs to find out. And when you do, well, something more happened in the bedroom, unlike Lee, Kerri Ann
has no problem apologizing. The change altered the mood of the scene, helped end the confusion between chapters, but I felt we lost the concept that Lee is fascinated with Kerri Ann. In the end, the scene served its purpose, explained why she refuses to wear a hanbok, traditional Korean dress, but not necessarily why it was important to him, but that gets explained in Part II.

Yes, book is divided into two parts, One and Two. (That ‘one and two’ was probably unnecessary, but that’s ME, write way more than you need to, now where’s that red pen…or that drink!)